At least I’m making money

The rest of my day shifts were just as, I don’t like to be so crude but there’s no other word for what I wish to express, they were just crap, it all feels so pointless, I also feel like I’m being set up for failure, I’m not being trained at all. I have learned of some “busy work” I can do when I run out of scanning to do. I’m being let back loose on the night shifts tonight, I am going to do bare minimum and see how long I can survive before I get called out on it, I’ve applied to some other jobs but not been invited to an interview just yet. The one thing I can’t complain about though is my paycheque, I received the highest monthly wage of my life this month.

My days off were better than usual, I watched the anime series, “The Promised Neverland”, I found it difficult to absorb information but enjoyed the show enough, the same is true of “The Falcon & Winter Soldier”. I put on makeup and went out a couple times, both times were just quick trips through and to the supermarket, I went to a couple of clothing stores but didn’t buy anything, these supposed sales are a scam to get people through the door. I enjoyed breaking in these boots I bought a couple months ago but didn’t have the chance to wear just yet.

It’s also been very sunny and warm, I love sleeping in the heat, it’s comfortable, especially in my silk pyjamas.

Get me off this ride

I haven’t posted an update for around 10 days and as usual, it’s due to being overwhelmed with nothingness. My work situation is more or less the same with little idea of what I’m doing and my dad giving me a ride to and from the office. One of my colleagues called me out on not talking much, they said that on some nights it will just be the two of us so some banter would be good, I defended myself by saying that I couldn’t tell if she was busy.

I spoke to my other colleague a bit and I did the same stupid thing I always used to do, I initially bonded with him over metal music, claiming to be a huge Ghost fan, he then listed various bands who I didn’t know and exposed me as a massive fraud. He’s 31 but seems to have lived more than me, when he was younger he purchased the rights to a milk round and distributed bottle milk to the residents of the town. He also had a paper round when he was 12, that one is more white privilege than initiative.

On my two days off, I played Hearthstone on the Saturday (I have hit legend rank and have 1000 wins for all classes except Hunter) and on the Sunday I got my eyebrows threaded then visited my family as my father asked once a week. I was tired and even took a nap there, I hear my sister may be getting married, she wants me to cut my hair for her wedding, this distresses me.

This week, I’ve been working day shifts, this is so I can receive training, I don’t like being in the office during the day, too many people, too noisy, I still don’t get along with anyone. The person training me also seems very disinterested, I haven’t been taught much and I’m not sure what is expected of me. I’ve applied to around 4 jobs, they’re all “4 on, 4 off” shifts, I desperately want the additional free time it affords me, not that I have ideas on how to spend the time, I just don’t want my life to revolve around a job.

I went too far, reaching for that star and the light moved away from me

My dad and on some occasions, my siblings are giving my rides to and from work. I still haven’t “settled”, I don’t see it happening, I don’t want to be here any longer, I need to find another job, one where I can just disappear and do what I need to in the background. The people I work with are not just white, the small town whites, they don’t have cosmopolitan interests like me, they’re all about football and cars. I did chat a little about premium bonds with an older woman on the night shift, she has made the biggest effort with me, I wish I could reciprocate.

I’m still making small errors at the job, I just don’t want to keep asking the same questions., though I’m not sure if I ever received the answers in the first place. I’ve played a lot of Hearthstone, especially since I’m once again putting my PS4 on ice due to the noise from the fan being unbearable. Naturally, I’ve hit legend rank again on Standard, I mostly played Libram Paladin before everyone else realised how much better it was than the Lunacy Mage deck.

I don’t have much free time, I think it might be best to move back to a job with normal hours next.

Bitten off more than I can chew

I’ve finished working my first week at my new job. My dad gave my a lift to work each night and back home, each morning. I did say that I can get home myself but he insisted as he didn’t have much else to do, work is down due to the pandemic. There are very few people in the office during the night and they are mostly older and 100% white, this makes me uncomfortable, I’ve also been unable to connect with them, I just don’t know how to talk to them.

My job involves me taking documents, invoicing them, splitting them, scanning them, indexing them and then filing them away. This seems simple enough but there are issues, the first is that I’ve not been properly trained, due to working nights, there is no one doing the same job who can train me up. I pretty much invoice everything that comes before me, I don’t know what to do if there is an issue with the document (part of the order was missing), I still go ahead and hit the button to invoice it. I also don’t have logins for several systems, I just use other peoples logins but I feel like I’m meant to be doing more work so I suppose this is a relief. Lastly, there is meant to be someone on day shifts who does the same job but they are currently “self isolating”, this has resulted in more for me to do.

In summary, I am clueless at my new job and do not have fun with my colleagues, I do not see the latter changing. The plus is that it’s relatively stress free, no more customers to bow before. Many of the staff gendered me female, those that gendered me male had heard my voice.

I was talking to my former co-workers over Whatsapp, I promised the taxidermy woman that I’d be able to get her a job with me but was too scared to ask so have ignored her since then. I worked one final shift at the call centre on Saturday, it was in order to prevent myself owing them money as they likely overpaid me due to holidays taken. I did feel more comfortable working at the call centre, I know where I stand but I still feel like I can do more.

I’ve achieved the platinum trophy on Persona 5: Strikers. My PlayStation fan gets too loud to play anything else so I’ve gone back to grinding Hearthstone.