One more day to go

The “working” day was a drag again, I think I’d rather just get started actually working instead of earning “easy” money by sitting down for 8 hours listening to tedious discussions regarding the tone of voice to use. There for long stretches where the longer serving staff members would go on a tangent and discuss random topics. One such topic was the vagina and the vulva. I’ll admit to having laughed. I tried to join in when the topic turned to something I had experience with but no one other than my table tennis friend would listen to me.

Checked my account and I’ve been paid for the work I’ve done to date, over £500, that’s enough to cancel out most of the credit card debt immediately due.

At home I finished with “Ni no Kuni” by hitting 50% trophy completion. I’ll be playing “Resident Evil 2” next in the hope that I can finish it quickly and sell it on for a decent amount in comparison to what I paid for it, though now that I have a job, a few pounds is trivial.

The FFS receptionist hasn’t replied to me in a few days, I declined the offer of a consultation next week, I just wanted to know if I could have one on a Monday/Tuesday. Guess I’ll just try again and accept any date, just gotta call in sick.

Porn, Unisex Toilets & Music

Training at work is still continuing a crawl, this is due to the date we start taking live interactions being pushed back a week, there isn’t actually enough training to fill that gap so what little there is is just being padded out. During the lengthy breaks used to cover this, I browsed 4chan on my phone, I think a couple of people may have seen the pornographic adverts at the bottom of the page. I was careful to avoid them but when one centred itself onto my phone, I chose to act with shock and recoil my head, hope this covers me.

Conversation during the day sometimes drifted off onto random topics such as unisex toilets, the women in the training group generally do not seem to like idea. I was surprised by this, I assumed they were all more progressive.

During another break, the topic was music, everyone appeared to like rap, hip-hop and grime, it was shocking, these people appeared to be a bit more cultured. When I was asked what music I liked, I didn’t have enough confidence to say “metal”, I just said “Black Sabbath”, just like when quirky guy and I first discussed music. It appears the last 8 months of musical growth and posturing have been for nought.

I’ve finished “Ni no Kuni”, think I might keep playing a little while longer to pic up some more trophies and take a run at the super-boss.

I’m still having porridge for breakfast but I need to cut my calorie intake during the rest of the day.

Debtslavery

The day was as uneventful as the ones before it, due to the lack of any training plan, I’m mostly just sitting down and staring at a screen listening to other speak while being paid for my troubles. I tend to get back from lunch a couple of minutes early, when I do, the next set of people to enter the room ask me if I’ve been there through my entire lunch, this has happened today and yesterday, I’m not sure why they’re making that assumption.

Once I got home I sunk three hours into “Ni no Kuni”, I’m now outside the door to face the final boss of the game.

I’ll need to stick with this job for a couple of months, my credit cards have a total of around £1000 on them, not sure how that happened, at a glance though, there’s £200 for the new phone, at least £200 on new clothes, £150 on estrogen, £75 on video games and £170 on the toilet my father hasn’t paid me back for. Might have to hold off on buying that new (refurbished) laptop or at least wait until the next billing cycle.

A generic observation that I’ve remarked on before but still marvel at every time, the civility and evolutionary state of pakis outside of the ghetto regions. In some cases they more closely resemble whites than pakis, it’s fascinating. Obviously I couldn’t aspire to be like them given that I was born and raised in a different environment, a poor imitation is all that’s possible, I’ve seen others attempt it (Sajid Javid). All I can do is be the best version of me possible.

Generic wagie day

Not much to report for today, work was uneventful, the main training phase is over, we were handed over to the new team leaders who didn’t seem to have much planned for the day, it was the easiest wage I’ve ever claimed. Played table tennis during breaks again, lost both games. Thinking of looking for a new job.

I attempted to go for a run when I got back home but after 600 metres, I retired, there were too many pakis around. It was uncomfortable, maybe I’ll reserve running to weekends from now on. In the short period I did run though, I felt the change that running shoes make.

The remainder of my time was spent playing “Ni no Kuni”, should be done with the story tomorrow. I’ll then grind for a few trophies, just a few, so that my total % is respectable. It’s a good game but I feel I’ve spent too much time with it in relation to its quality.

Time to unwind

With my final day of freedom before returning to wage slavery for a week, I chose to spend my time playing “Ni no Kuni”, I should be done with the story next weekend.

The hinges on my laptop have “broken”, I now need to hold the screen in place or try to balance it at a 90% angle against in the keyboard. Good thing I have a job, I can pick up my first laptop to cost in excess of £400. Thinking of a refurbished entry level gaming laptop, they have cool designs.

I was rude to my father earlier, he was going out of his way to help me and I accepted it but was also ungrateful and rude at the same time. I don’t know what came over me.

Leeds Meetup

I woke up early for a weekend, 9am and I spent over an hour grooming, once I was finally done I applied a little makeup (mascara and eyebrow pencil), it made a difference. Picking out my outfit was mildly difficult but I settled on skinny jeans, a black/white striped t-shirt and a plaid green/purple shirt. Went with the white River Island trainers to finish it off.

Prior to leaving the house, I massively binge ate, four packets of crisps killed the anxiety. I was then ready to board the train, it took an hour to reach my destination but along the way, I got to see several beautiful white towns and villages.

The train station was an interesting sight, it’s respectably large, it was confusing finding my way around due to the intimidating size. Through the ticket gates, I saw one person from a previous meetup and after approaching him I saw another, the paki, “Yazim”, I wasn’t happy, I started repeatedly shouting “paki” at him. When I was done, I went over to the meetup point, took a phone and shared it with the thread, in the hopes that others would reply with their ETA. No one did, no one else was coming. Fortunately though, the white member of our 3 person party asked another white individual standing around if he was here for the meetup. He was, it shocked me, the guy wasn’t tall but he was good looking, skinny and well dressed.

Throughout the day, I learned more about him, he was friendless, he’s not an /r9k/ regular so had no idea who any of us were, he saw the meetup poster completely out of context and wanted to attend to make friends. He was exactly the person I hoped would be here, if not for the presence of the other two, I probably would have been able to solidify a friendship with him. Turns out Brit/pol/ is his main board and his political views are exactly the same as mine, he’s perfect. When the paki told him I was trans, his response was “MtF or FtM”, I took that as a compliment since people say I just look like a male with long hair. The only problem occurred later in the day when he expressed anti-trans viewpoints but that’s outweighed by how eager he is to meetup again, he’s just like me in that regard, bored, lonely, needing meetups for social interaction.

I had an itinerary for the day but the others ignored me and insisted we go to Burger King, I tried to explain that the museums close at 5pm and fast food places will be open until late, so we need to prioritise but it felt like they had already made up their minds. I went along and we ate on the top floor, I had a medium meal while the others had large ones. There was chatter, we got some funny looks due to the radical racial views expressed and the accusations of noncery. I was the last to finish my meal, a task I managed despite the others getting up to leave before I was done.

Once again I tried to push everyone towards a museum but they decided they’d rather wonder around for a while. There was a cool pub/arcade but it was fully booked up. Everyone then gave-in to me and we headed towards “The Royal Armouries Museum”, I led the way and it took about 15 minutes to reach the building, the rest of the group seemed displeased. We explored the place, viewing canons, swords, guns and armours. It was mostly a solo experience, not much talking took place at this time.

We walked by the river and then headed to the shopping centre, it’s easily one of the largest I’ve ever seen. One interest shared between us was video games, so CEX appeared to be worth a visit, we browsed for some time, the Brit/pol/ posted picked up a game worth £60 for only £18, I did warn him about the reputation of the store, they are known for selling fake games. He left after we were done with the store and the others also chose to leave, it was around 5pm, I’d have liked to have hung longer, had a drink but we must have looked a sorry sight, half the group was comprised of those of paki blood, no wonder the whites wanted to scarper.

I did not get on with Yazim at all, I tried to be nice again, understanding of his autism but everything out of his mouth was an insult, not even funny stuff, just personal attacks, it was impossible to have a proper conversation with him. Despite this, I’ll say I appreciate him travelling over an hour to reach the meetup today. He was also one of only 3 people who were prepared to spend any amount of time in my company, he might not like me and I don’t like him, I feel I deserve better but I don’t have many others who even care that much about me.

It felt like the train home took longer than the train to get in. I unwound at home, I wanted to play “Ni no Kuni” but I had to pay attention to my bedroom door, a workman would knock once he was finished installing the new toilet and I’d have to pay him. He seemed like a nice old man, he was of dark blood, too intelligent to be a paki. I spent part of my weeks wages on a new phone, a Xiaomi Pocophone F1. The order for the previous phone I ordered was cancelled due to a lack of stock.

I inadvertently ended up screwing over someone I once considered a friend from the Birmingham meetup, he helped me out since but more recently attacked me for having a negative view of one of his real friends. I feel quite guilty, hope he’s OK.

24601

For the most part, this day was just a repeat of the last few, the only deviation was that I spoke slightly more to my co-workers when there was a clear opening. I lost both table tennis games that occurred today.

Once the day was done, I went to the theatre to watch Les Mis, it was quite disappointed, the show is just several random songs strewn together, the story doesn’t flow at all. The production was stellar though, massive sets. It’s a shame, I could relate to the early parts of the main characters story.

On the way home, I saw whites and blacks enjoying the city nightlife, at the train station, I spotted a train carriage full of pakis. Naturally, I got on another one.

A step back

The day started off the same way as before, except I was a little more tired when getting up and my appetite is coming back, almost finished my porridge. Work is getting more interesting since we’ve now started using the computers to access systems. During my breaks I played table tennis with quirky guy 2.0 (he barely resembles him but the guy needs a name).

The guy doing the training used the term “SJW” and said “paki” twice, it was when he was telling a story so it’s not as if he was being racist. Just unusual to hear it.

My lunch was 350 calories, taking my pre-dinner total to 600. This was ultimately meaningless though since I ruined it once I got home, I ate 3 packets of crisps, a snickers bar and a whole pack of cookies. The only hope is that I burned fat during the early part of the day when I was working on a deficit and the new fat goes to my tits or face.

I used the 3/4 hours at the end of the day to watch YouTube videos and read the latest Kaiji chapter, I didn’t have the energy to play vidya. I did research activities for the Leeds meetup though, we could go to some museums before drinking.

A bit better

Today was better than yesterday. I put less effort in that the previous days with appearing feminine, it’s cold and I don’t have a wide enough wardrobe to dress appropriately. When I arrived at work it was closer to 9am than before so I had to wait around less before things got started.

During my last entry I forgot to mention that I was spotted browsing 4chan on my work computer by the guy in my training group (we also played ping pong in the empty break room each day so far). When on 4chan, I mentioned that I had Adblock installed so “those things” at the top and bottom of the page. There was then a woman who repeatedly asked me which site I was on, I eventually replied “a message board” and then said I should get off it as it’ll get banned for everyone. Today we chatted about vidya, he has a higher power level, played WoW for 2500 hours and is up to date with the latest vidya. I know have a work friend, so that’s good.

It’s all still a bit uneventful, my appetite is picking up, I had 150 calories for breakfast (half a bowl of porridge), 350 calories for lunch (tuna sandwiches) and a few Maryland chocolate chip cookies for dinner (400 calories, each cookies was 50 calories) and a packet of crisps (100 calories). Great results on its own but then there’s also my run, a brand new record, my first time under 15 minutes. This was without warming up and without running shoes. I fully expect to get under 14 minutes by the end of next week.

Turns out I messed up the meetup location for Saturday, the “Leeds sculpture” no longer exists. Corrected pic is below.

Peeling away the past

I sleptwalk throughout the day, this is to be expected since I failed to finish my bowl of porridge again. At work we continued training, I didn’t talk much, it was more tedious PowerPoint, there were some group activities where I spoke a little but I didn’t have the energy or desire to talk part in a meaningful way, the tasks seem too simple and I’m not sure how some of them tie into my job role. As the group is made up of people who already know each other, most of the conversation that takes place is between them, myself and the other new starts do not interact with others often.

At lunch, I bought a sandwich, I was only able to force two thirds into my mouth, the rest was discarded. Due to my lack of appetite and low mood, I felt it necessary to call my GP in order to obtain some anti-depressants, I clearly have a textbook case.

I’ve booked a chemical skin peel for 2 weeks from now, I’m hoping it clears up the uneven skintone around my chin and jaw area. The FFS consultation still hasn’t been arranged, the receptionist is terrible, her most recent email asked which services I’m interested in (something I answered in the FIRST email I sent).

At home I ate tomato soup and 4 small cookies, my calorie intake is once again under 1000 calories. I don’t even feel hungry, shoving those biscuits down my throat was a chore.