Must Remember “Nothing Tastes as Good as Skinny Feels”

The situation at work has certainly changed since I was away, apparently there was a big meeting with the night team regarding their work rate. People certainly seem to be doing more but in my opinion it’s too much, I didn’t care about that amount of work being done, I just didn’t want their workload to be shifted onto me. Further, it seems the Koreaboo is still being worthless but word is he and his brother may be leaving soon, would be amusing since that would leave the WoW woman on her own for half her shifts.

I do feel quite awful though that my colleagues are feeling so much stress as a result of their workrate being put under a microscope. I was supposed to have a similar meeting but my manager told me that “I am not a concern” and so we didn’t bother talking about the changes. I guess that mean my work is recognised but there has been no reward as of yet. I regret the snitching.

While working, I mostly watched standup comedy, it’s like having someone in the room talking to you.

My time off work feels the same as before, I wake up late and become tired quickly, I can’t bring myself to stay awake for more than 12 hours. If I could have it my way, I would sleep all the time. It is cold when I wake and the TV show (Star Trek: Deep Space 9) is less interesting than some of the dreams I have.

I burned my hand a while ago when filling my hot water bottle, the burn has not healed and the skin is rough. On my little finger I have also developed a small scar. I’ve also noticed some facial hair regrowth, just a few stray hairs.

I’m still playing Hearthstone and have hit 290/500 wins with Demon Hunter. I don’t care at all about the controversy surrounding the new rewards track but it seems that’s all the community cares to discuss right now.

The news says the lockdown may be ending early, I’m glad to hear it, I would really like to spend time with my friends right about now.

My diet is a disaster, I had 1 pizza today, nothing else. I don’t know why I do it, I feel terrible immediately after. I also seem to spend over £100 a month on food.

Back to toil tomorrow

As before I’ve been spending my time playing Hearthstone. I’ve hit just over 250 wins with the Demon Hunter class, I should certainly have the golden hero portrait by the end of the year, the only potential issue is the new expansion shaking up the meta. I chose to drop £3.99 on the game since I spend so long with it, I picked up the “Welcome Bundle” which is 10 classic packs plus a dragon legendary, it plugged up some holes in my collection and I got some dust.

Most of my socialisation is now done through Discord, due to serving a ban on 4chan and it being a hassle to lost from my phone. I have a group I am familiar with due to speaking to them during our podcast, it’s a bit like there being a pub filled with regulars you recognise. Unfortunately though, over the last week I have had 2 awful experiences at this pub. The first was during a group voice chat, a member joined and immediately hurled a stream of racist abuse at me, it continued uninterrupted for a lengthy period and I felt the only appropriate response was to leave. I don’t usually get rattled by racism but that was an eye opener, it’s really changed my entire outlook on the matter, I don’t feel it’s ever appropriate to address someone in that manner.

The second event was when I was asked if I would like to play a game of “Settlers of Catan” online with the group, I agreed and after the game another member was upset they felt they were not invited. They then also abused me racially but to a lesser extent that did not phase me as much but what did horrify me was when he threatened to contact my workplace and get me fired, he joked that I would be struggling to pay the bills in may flat afterwards. He knew where I worked because I considered him a close friend, I met him twice and be sent me a wonderful card on my birthday along with a personal gift. This distressed me greatly, I chose to respond by completely removing myself from the situation, I transferred ownership of the Discord server and left. I don’t harbor and ill will, I’m aware of his mood swings and he apologised, explaining that the threats were empty, he was aware that would be a bridge too far. It was really the first event with the racist that traumatized me more, I don’t want to kick people out of the pub so it’s better I just leave if I’m not having a good time.

I ordered pizza afterwards and binge ate. Diet officially ruined.

I’ll be back at work tomorrow and already thinking of how to respond when people asked if I enjoyed my time off.

Time flies when you’re doing nothing

Last couple of days were a copy and paste of the ones before. Once difference is that I took two days off from my diet, this doesn’t mean I binged just that I didn’t eat to a calorie deficit.

I finished watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, the finale is a good one and it’s nice to see a series end on perhaps it’s highest note. I may try watching Picard again as the first episode of Deep Space Nine didn’t grab me, it feels a bit off.

I’m sleeping for 12 hours a day, it’s difficult to get up and to go to sleep.

The new rewards system in Hearthstone has proven to be disappointing, I don’t know what I was expecting but it changes nothing. I play the game for almost the entire day with the purpose of getting more wins with the Demon Hunter class, I’m currently at 181 wins, I need 500. That’s good progress in under a month of play. I might have the golden portrait by the end of the year. As far as gaming goes, I was bored and visited eBay, they have a couple of promotions going on right now and I was tempted into purchasing the new Yakuza video game, it’s only £36. There are a few other games I’d like to pick up too but it’s not sensible, one at a time is enough, though there is a £5 discount code I have only 5 days left to use. I haven’t touched my PS4 in quite a while, around a month.

I’ve been checking my work emails and the only one of interest is that a meeting has been scheduled to explain the new way things will be done going forwards, I hope to use this opportunity to highlight my concerns. I’m back at work on Tuesday night, time has flown, this has been a real waste. A massive waste, I feel better but 20 days away from work should have meant a holiday abroad or something.

Something will happen eventually

I intend to get back into the habit of updating daily, nothing has occured since my last update, it genuinely just feels like yesterday.

I have discovered that I’ve spent over £100 a month on food shopping, this is likely due to preparing a meat dish every day. I’ve spent more time with Hearthstone, constantly playing it in order to get a golden hero portrait for the new Demon Hunter class. I’m excited for the new rewards system to launch tomorrow.

The other entertainment I’ve been consuming during this period of lockdown is Star Trek, that is all, at season 7, I’m enjoying the filler episodes more as I simply appreciate the cast now. My favourite episode is “Sins of the Father”.

My mother tried calling me, I ignored her, she texted to ask that I call her back, I did and then we chatted for 20 minutes, I attempted to end the call by saying I’m going to go out shopping for food now and she was surprised by that, she must be quite bored. It’s interesting, parents spend your youth neglecting you and pushing you away but as you age they want you close.

My cousin is trying to arrange a trip to the Lake District for March. Once lockdown ends I hope to travel to meet all my friends though the ones in London will be meeting without me due to them not valuing our bonds.

When bored I have checked in regarding work, I can see that management seem to be acting more harshly. I haven’t received an email offering me the position of assistant manager as of yet, shocking since the whole operation seems to be crumbling without me.

In recent days I’ve also tried dieting, I’ve been doing quite well, for 3 days straight I just had a small portion of rice with 200g chicken and sauce, also cereal and a little snack. I feel this is under 1500 calories easily, perhaps around 1200. The 4th day wasn’t great as the chosen snack was a pack of tortilla chips and tip, I still feel under 2000 calories though.

I’ve been practicing makeup and now just need to find the right shade.

Bad time to use up work holidays

The last 4 days have been uneventful. I went to the supermarket a few times to stock up on supplies due to the looming national lockdown, each time I bought treats and gobbled them up as soon as I got home, I have bought some coffee, it’s not something I like but I do want to like it, it might help me avoid bingeing on junk food.

In my leisure time I’ve played some Hearthstone but I’m getting bored of it, my interest may pick up again during the expansion that’s releasing this month in addition to achievements being added.

I went out on Tuesday with my cousin to a restaurant called “Saffire”, it had Pakistani style food, it was pretty good and we got 30% off, it was delicious but the customer service could do with improvement and I was full so didn’t finish my meal.

The election coverage was massively disappointing, I stayed up all night and it was a bore, so uneventful and inconclusive. Since the election I’ve mostly been watching more election coverage.

Only won £25 on my premium bonds this month.

Not sure what to do now that my options are even more limited due to the lockdown shutting down the few places that had re-opened.

Getting back on form

Since my last entry, I have had 4 days away from work, they have gone by very quickly but I have actually done quite a bit on each of those days. On Tuesday, the last shift I worked before getting 20 straight days off from work, I went to the laser clinic for treatment on my lower face, the technician was very kind after realising it was just a small area I actually experienced hair growth on and offered to class my treatment as a patch test so I wouldn’t lost on of the treatments I’d paid for.

On Wednesday and Thursday I went out to the supermarket to buy food supplies. Using my new ingredients, I busted out my rice cooker to cook a side of boiled rice, I used the George Foreman grill to cook some chicken and then mixed the meat with various sauces such as Thai Red Curry and Chicken Tikka.

To combat the cold, I went into the town centre and bought some cozy socks along with a hot water bottle, the bottle is absolutely heavenly, I have it filled constantly, I loved it, it makes life so much more pleasurable.

On Saturday, I went back to my parents, I planned to go to the new noodles place with my cousin, her mother and my sister, it was great, the food was well prices and the staff were helpful. Word is that my hometown has become the new hot food location in the North West. I chatted with the family for a bit, it was pleasant, I only so my dad as I was leaving, he asked me to cut my hair again and I pointed out that I had done, he didn’t understand, I then flipped my hair on my exit.

I’m disappointed to hear that we’ll be returning to full lockdown soon, my feelings of often not knowing what to do with myself will continue.