The Xmas-New Years Eve Period

Christmas day was nothing, quite miserable even. I stayed at home, alone, the same was true for Boxing Day. These were completely normal days for me.

On the 27th though, I travelled home to visit my family as I knew my sister would be visiting too. It was an enjoyable day, there was brief conversation with all, one of my sisters is now a Hamilton fan. All my family members seemed to have plans, all my sisters were spending time with various friends and my brother was staying over with his girlfriend who I am under the impression that he is intending to wed. No one has yet to formally have a conversation with me about her existence, they just talk in front of me about her. My father made a brief appearance and after multiple requests, I agreed to sleep over. Once everyone else was out of the room, he also pushed me about marriage, suggesting I marry my sisters friend, he pointed out she made £30,000/year. I completely ignored this, I said nothing in response, not even looking at him. He also suggested I purchase a home and that he’d pay the deposit.

On the 28th, me and my mother went clothes shopping at TK MAXX, she was happy to look at women’s clothes and accessories with me, there wasn’t much in my size (size 10 UK) but I did buy some trainers, socks and a glittery face mask. We then went to ASDA before returning home. I watched an episode of “Star Trek: Discovery” with my sister, the first one, neither of us have seen it and she’s been wanting to get into the series after I started talking about it. We both enjoyed what we saw and agreed to continue watching it.

I received a lift back home from my other two sisters and we also stopped by Primark where I bought a scarf.

On the 29th I watched an episode of Star Trek and again on the 30th, on the 29th, it snowed and I enjoyed going outside to shop, I bought more clothes from Primark this time. On the 30th, I went to Oodles Noodles but the quality and portion size is no longer worth the money.

On the 31st, my sister told me she had finished the first season so I spent the entire day watching the show, I think it’s great, it’s constantly engaging and doesn’t have as many “dead moments” like the other series, it also doesn’t have entire bad episodes like them. She agrees and I’m glad I was able to help her find something she enjoys. I also went out to Sainsbury’s for some shopping, I bought chicken, fish, tuna, cereal, Dorito’s and dip.

I achieved a peak rank within the top 1500 (in the European region) on Hearthstone this season. On a sour note, this was the first month since moving out that I was unable to invest a minimum of £500 into premium bonds, I went with £250 but will be able to make it up some once I know when next months credit card bills are due.

The Night Before Xmas

I have completed my 4 shifts at work, in the office, there was a lot of work to get through as around this time of the year, the emails really pile up in the queue. It was me, the taxidermy woman, the big guy and the Caribbean guy who were in the first 2 days, we all get along so had some good chatter and we all worked really hard, when we were done, we actually completely cleared all the emails. I posted a message about it on the workplace messenger and got a couple of responses from managers. The team appreciate me being outspoken, they also once again talked about me being a manager but this made me feel uncomfortable, I see these people as my equals.

The second 2 of the 4 shifts were a bit of a nightmare though, the brother of the Koreaboo called in sick so hopefully that’s an indicator that he’s leaving. It was just me and the big guy to deal with several customer interactions on the first shift and on the second we were just too defeated to do much. We spoke and shared our sexual fetishes, I didn’t relinquish at first but eventually admitted that I fantasise about being raped, prison is a favourite setting. The big guy likes feet and wants to ask his girlfriend to spit in his mouth.

I pulled in another £35 of Amazon vouchers via my workplace, I now have £175 loaded onto my account in preparation for a PS5 purchase.

Having to go into the office has been difficult, it’s freezing outside and in my flat at that time, I can see my breath. Fortunately though, I’ll be working from home again through January, a reason has been given but I have my suspicions about its validity.

After my final shift, I hopped on a tram and visited my family. It was a short visit, I was tired and wanted to go back home to sleep. Listening in on conversations, I gathered that my brother and/or sister are getting married, there was talk of wedding rings. It sounded as though his girlfriend was upstairs but I have still to meet her. My youngest sister who is still at university has been promoted at her part time job at McDonalds, I suppose I’m proud but also jealous. I gave her £50 as a late birthday present.

I’ve peaked at around rank 3500 this season on Hearthstone. There are no big plans or achievements to speak of this period, I shall continue to put it down to Covid.

Return to the Office

Since my last entry, I have had to return to the office to work, I had completed 4 shifts. I’ve generally enjoyed myself, I feel as though I have more energy, I feel more awake, I like having somewhere to go each day and I enjoy having people to talk to who enjoy my company. I am sure the others would rather still be at home and overall, that’s probably my preference too but I am not complaining about the current situation, the worst part if having to pay for the commute, that’s another £100 out of my pocket every month leaving me with around £500 on food/savings/entertainment.

The new guy, the brother of the Korea, has two shifts with me, I saw him and tried speaking to him some but he doesn’t seem sociable at all, seems to have the same problem as his brother, he just doesn’t want to interact, he must feel uncomfortable though watching me and the big guy chat all night long. I do find his workrate annoying, he required help whenever he is on webchat, he’s really slow. It’s painful, I eventually stopped helping. There was a bit of drama, the head of customer services, had a bit of a pop at the big guy because he thought he had work left over and I didn’t correct him, I messaged him later to explain but have not heard back, I felt awful seeing my pal put down like that and made to feel he had to work especially hard. Sainsbury’s do not sell Carabo energy drinks so I’ve switched over to zero sugar Monster and Reign, both cost over £1, this is displeasing. I prepare my own food now, I grill some chicken and stick it between some bread, sometimes it’s plain chicken breast, others I opt for the more flavourful breaded chicken, both are under 300 calories (ignoring the brown bread).

Over the last week my gaming disorder has worsened, I thought I had turned a corner but after completing my shifts, I was left with 4 days of freedom, I had no idea what to do with it as usual so retreated to the familiar, despite having completed “Yakuza: Like a Dragon”, I grinded some more and completed the option final super dungeon, I thought that would be it but then found myself, the following day, playing the racing mini game that I previously thought impossible and ended up with the platinum trophy, even now, I’m contemplating doing a new game plus run, I do enjoy the characters/world and do not want my time with these people to end.

The main reason for the lack of updates is that the ending of the game had such a profound effect on me, one of the last sentences said in the story and echoes earlier on is that “When you’re at rock bottom, the only way to go is up”, the Japanese version of the game expanded on this and said that it’s not so dark and gloomy at rock bottom, if you stand up, you can see the light of hope above. The dubbed version is not quite as poetic and not worth mentioning. It’s really got me thinking about my own next moves.

I bought a copy of “Avengers” for the PS4 despite knowing it’s a bad game, I just need something to play to fill the time.

I have made some progress, I found I was mostly watching YouTube videos and standup comedy because it felt like there was someone there talking to me, I’ve moved back onto scripted shows, sitcoms for now (Toast of London), with time, I hope to move onto scripted dramas.

In Sainsbury’s I could see any staff members to check my ID when purchasing energy drinks so after waiting a short while, I shouted for assistance, I was wound up and was glad of the release. My diet is awful, once my calorie restricted days at work were up, I treated myself to a Chinese meal from Oodles Noodles and then two Pizza’s, I’ve taken laxatives due to not having to excrete in 6 days.

My sisters birthday is coming up, I want to visit home when she returns from university but have no idea what to gift her, she bought me “The Last of Us 2” on release.

While gaming, my mother called, I told her I was in the middle of something and that I’d call back, I did not.

While sleeping, due to my messed up sleep pattern which feels impossible to fix, my father called, I wanted to go back to sleep, the call didn’t last 2 minutes, my father was talking about how my mother picks fights with him every day. I feel bad for not empathising with him. The new kitchen he installed looks very fancy and now seems as though it was a way of winning over my mother.

Gaming Disorder

There have been a couple of notable events since my last entry but I have been unable to post about them sooner due to becoming obsessed with a new video game.

That game is Yakuza: Like a Dragon, it’s heavily story focused and a turn based RPG with lots of traditional and modern JRPG elements that really take advantage of people like myself. I have currently put over 50 hours into the game and can see myself putting in another 50. It has resulted in most of my other obsessions being cut out completely, it’s also helped with my diet to some degree though today I took out a trash bag that contained for empty bags of Doritos, this was partly thanks to them running a competition where I could win a PS5. I have not won, I also did not win anything on my premium bonds this month either.

The big news is that I’ll be returning to work at the office from Friday, the entire night team will be due to us supposedly lowering our productivity. This seems massively unfair considering myself and a couple of others have been working well, it’s just a handful of people who have always had low work rates. This might work out for me though, if the Koreaboo is in Korea as I suspect, he will be unable to return to the office and fired. His brother may also experience issues. I’m still holding out hope they’ll make an exception for me and allow me to continue working from home.

My big obsession with the Yakuza game once resulted in my staying awake for 32 hours and then sleeping for around 16. My sleep pattern has been terrible throughout my time away from work but at least I now resent going to sleep and instead have something I want to stay awake for.

My social relationships have heavily suffered due to this, I have had limited to no contact with any of my friends and family. My mother did call, I told her I was off to get my eyebrows threaded and she said “why?”, as insulting as always, we ended the call, I said I’d call back but didn’t.

I intend to post an interesting image later today assuming I can pry myself away from the video game.

I wore some size 7 boots but developed a blister on one toe, not sure if they’re too small or if I just need to break them in.

A great success

I finally got around to purchasing weighing scales, at first I was 11 stone and 10 3/4 pounds but as I type this, my weight has dropped to 11 stone and 8 pounds. I credit this to while working, I had little food available and just ate Weetabix, 1000 calories a day or less for 4 days. I have regressed since though with 2 burger meals and 2 bags of Doritos in over 2/3 days.

My time at work was dull, nothing remarkable to report. One of the newer manager asked for my help so it feels like I’m valued and considered intelligent.

I’ve got 12 days off from work again, I’ve used up 3 so far, my sleep pattern is messed up so I’m unable to make much of the time. I tried to fix it but the internet went out twice, this forced me to sleep until it was resolved. I’d like to meet a friend during this time but I need to be able to stay awake during normal hours first. I’m also beginning to learn the value of money, spending £50-£100 on train tickets before would have been nothing to me but now that’s a months food or electricity.

I’m really getting into Star Trek: Deep Space 9 now, I think I might just like all the characters, Quark is my favourite.

Regarding Hearthstone, I hit legend last month, again. This month, I’ve hit Diamond 1 in under 24 hours of the start of the season, even with the disadvantage of not having internet for around half that time.

I’ve spent about £100 on new clothes, the problem is that’s literally just one outfit, the coat was around £30, the skirt and top together were £20, still need to get the shoes which are about £30 too. There’s a mannequin in Sainsbury’s that I’m trying to dress myself like though I went with a more plain top instead of the Christmas one.