The Road to Redemption

There was another two shifts at work after the last one, just me, the African, the Koreaboo and the WoW woman. They were all doing as little work as possible, as usual, I decided to do a fair amount so I’d look good in comparison and impress any remaining management since my manager was missing again, it was time for someone to step up. I felt motivated but that was crushed late into the shift when a manager appeared, she called up everyone, spoke to the Koreaboo for over half an hour and me just for 5 minutes.

I complained about how little work everyone else was doing, she called me a “good worker” and said that if the “service level” went down they’d investigate. Which translated to she didn’t care about my complaint but she inadvertently informed me how to get her attention. I was annoyed to find that the two of them were given a “special assignment”, it meant that they didn’t have to take any calls/emails for the rest of the night, I was greatly upset by this, I felt undervalued.

The African took a shot at me in the group chat after I called out “someone” for being out of the call queue. I was smart enough not to respond, he looked terrible. Though in general though, I came out of the night feeling and looking terrible too, I complained a lot and had to walk back most of the complaints. Had some difficulty going back to sleep.

During the next shift, I had learned my lesson. There were 25 emails in the queue to start with and just over 100 at the end of it because all of us did under 10 emails during the night. The trick is to leave them as late as possible because by then it’s too late, it doesn’t matter how many you do, it took you so long to reply that the “service level” goes down. It was just the WoW woman on the “special assignment” this time but that’s because the African decided to take a day off.

The WoW woman seems to be getting more responsibility in the absence of our manager. Not happy about this.

As usual now, the WoW woman and the Koreaboo both made some attempts to talk to me and I divulged quite a bit of personal info, I though he was genuinely concerned.

After work, I did some soul searching, chatted to some friends and used the power of “insight” to come to some conclusions. The WoW woman and the Koreaboo genuinely hate me (don’t ask me how I know this, I just do). My manager liked me even after we stopped talking. I think that he felt I was the one not talking to him and I kept rebuffing his genuine attempts to chat. I should have given it more time but I felt a massive amount of guilt, I tried to ask for advice but couldn’t be patient enough to get it online so I spoke to my mother instead, the first real conversation we’ve had in years, ever even, I can’t remember the last time I asked for her advice.

I did the right thing, I wrote up an email to the head of the call centre and hit send. I feel brilliant, better than I have in over a month, free, it’s a cliche but like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m no longer thinking about this but I am considering texting my manager.

It will look like I’m expecting gratitude, which is why I hesitate but I genuinely want him not to worry. It would be nice though if he was sympathetic to my feelings but as a mature, emotionally responsible adult, I must understand that no one is obligated to like me or talk to me.

Below is the email I sent (I edited the names), if this doesn’t work, I will just claim that I lied about everything.

Victorious

During my remaining days off work, I played Spyro, I still found it fun and chilled out but didn’t 100% it since I could see certain parts would be too difficult or time consuming (the flying levels), it’s pretty disappointing since I heard the Platinum trophy was really easy to get.

I’m going to play Spyro 2 but I’ve also bought Tekken 7 (easy platinum trophy) and DragonBall Z: Kakarot. I’m not comfortable spending £50 for Final Fantasy 7 or £40 for Resident Evil 3 knowing prices will eventually crash.

My Saturday night shift was fine, the big guy is on holiday for a while, so just me and the taxidermy woman, the koeraboo took some overtime. I chatted to both quite a bit, divulging quite a bit of personal info to the koreaboo but ruined it all by accusing him of being lazy at the end of the shift, I misinterpreted something he did. I apologised.

On the Sunday, it was just me, the African is likely AWOL due to Ramadan and my manager was missing for unknown reasons. One of the new managers was very nice and supportive, said I only had to take calls and nothing else, gave me his phone number too. Despite this, I still smashed over 100 emails, no one noticed, as usual. Still I’d rather do all the work by myself than most of the work with someone else doing a bit.

Platinum trophy, Bronze complaint

I had 3 more shifts at work after my last entry, all of them with my manager, the koreaboo and WoW woman. The WoW woman asked customers for extra DPA and moved an email she didn’t want to do back into the queue, I told my manager and he let me transfer the emails to him, I doubt he’ll say anything to her but he understands that I won’t do something that someone else should have done.

My manager asked on another shift if I was struggling with the emails I told him that I was avoiding “rushing” like he always tells me and that I was using the amount others on shift had done to give me an idea of how many I should do. I pointed out the koreaboo has only done 5 emails in like 7 hours. I think my manager might have had a quiet word with him, he works a bit more quickly but still barely does anything compared to myself, the big guy and taxidermy woman.

Naturally, I did very little during these 3 shifts, mostly just watching “American Horror Story” in the background, I’ve seen the first 3 seasons now.

The highlight was when the head of the call centre called my discuss my complaint against my manager, I struggled to come up with witnesses and dates but referred to my blog at times, she reassured me that the blog would not be mentioned to my manager, I refused to give her a link to it. I also failed to hammer home the effects this has had on me but all I’m ultimately asking for is to change my shifts, a minor request. She spoke to my manager the following shift but using a different platform to communicate, I thought this was bizarre.

Actually, I lied, the highlight of the shifts was speaking to customers for 30+ minutes, one guy was from Tenseness and asked for my facebook but I don’t have one, I gave him my Discord instead, another was just a guy who found me to be amusing and the one guy I spoke to for an hour with was a rehab counsellor, it’s easy to talk to people these days as the Coronavirus is a great ice breaker.

On my first day off, I achieved the Platinum trophy on Uncharted 4. The following day, I went to ALDI and started playing Spyro.

More old vidya

After I was done with “The Last of Us”, I started playing “Uncharted 4” again since it was now free with PS Plus, I last played in back in 2016 and it’s the one mainseries Uncharted game that I haven’t earned a Platinum trophy on.

I spent the 15th & 16th of April mostly grinding out trophies, I did some online play that was necessary and completed a speedrun that I was part way through. Despite not having played this game for around 4 years, I still couldn’t bring myself to watch the cutscenes again.

On the 17th & 18th of April, I was back at work, there were a lot of emails to get through, I worked more than I had all year but I plan to slow down to my usual rate during my next shifts because my workrate is based on the colleagues I’m working with, some are lazy and I won’t do any more than them.

The big guy suggested I watch “American Horror Story”, so I switched over from RuPaul’s Drag Race, the first season was entertaining though maybe left me wanting.

My manager asked how I was, I said “OK”, he went with “why just OK”, similar to a response he gave the last time he asked, I had also asked how he was but as always he ignored that, conversations with him are very one sided, he never shares anything personal with me despite expecting me to. I expanded a little and said “I’m sure no one is jumping for joy right now, due to the lockdown for example”, he then ended things with “you never know”. A useless and worthless discussion. He called the big guy to talk, so he’s still calling people that he actually wants to chat to, I honestly don’t know what I did that was so wrong? What makes me different to everyone else? I let him get away with essentially bullying me and I played his strange little games.

The HR team said my email had been lost in their recruitment system so they’ve only been able to look into it now and have passed it onto the heads of customer services who then passed it down to the head of the call centre. I’m apparently going to be contacted by her directly at some point. I am concerned as I have a reputation as a loudmouth.

Hard Mode

I’ve spent the last 3 days playing “The Last of Us”, I finished it twice on easy mode to maximise my stats and then once on hard mode for some trophies. During breaks I watched an anime called “Hi Score Girl”, the first episode was funny but the remainder was pretty run of the mill, I do not recommend it.

Today I went to ALDI, as usual there were no queues, I bought all sorts of items such as milk, tuna, hummus, chocolate spread and bread. I did initially forget the milk so had to go back into the store, a Pakistani man with a traditional Pakistani style hat let me jump in front of him in the queue as I only had one item, I appreciated it but felt guilty as when I first saw him my opinion of him was negative due to his appearance.

My sister offered me a fish she cooked, our relationship seems to be mending but I find it hard to extend the olive branch since if I cross her she might threaten me as she’s done before.

A trans poster from /britfeel/ has offered to send me a bottle of E gel, I was left in awe by their amazing act of kindness and spent some time chatting with them.

Talking

On the 9th and 10th of April, I was working again, my manager speaks to me even less now, it’s still just over the workplace chat, all messages are quite professional and to the point. I have not heard back from the HR team, I’ll give it more time before emailing the head of customer services. The racism allegation is definitely one that they’ll take seriously, it’s just bad timing due to the virus.

The taxidermy woman thinks I’m mentally ill and spoke to me often over chat, I believe she thinks I’m in crisis too, I found it a bit uncomfortable but it’s my fault for that “thank you” message which could be seen as a cry for help. She shared some details about meds etc and I confided in her about my self medding and having run out of pills.

I’ve gotten to season 8 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. I’m finding I preferred the characters from earlier seasons.

On Friday night I did my radio show and it was a trainwreck though the viewing figures were good, there were like 7 people on at once for most of the 2 hour runtime. Ebin went AWOL but I apologised and can see things from his point of view now.

I played through “The Last of Us” again. I’m holding off on purchasing Resident Evil 3 and Final Fantasy 7 as I expect them to drop in price significantly before the end of the year.

I went out for a burger meal, I had a craving. My weight seems to be at 12.2 stone but the scale might be busted.

Burning Another Bridge

My shifts at work on the 4th, 5th & 6th of April were mildly unpleasant, it was me, my manager, the Koreaboo, WoW woman and the African, my manager made a habit of giving me the most amount of work and for some reason all the call seemed to come through to me, I’m certain that my manager is doing this on purpose, he’s much friendlier with the whites so he’s doing them a solid by minimising their workloads, he still calls them during work but not me. I don’t understand why he hates me.

During the virus pandemic, at work, we have the option of leaving “thank you” notes for colleagues that are published for all to see once a week, I thanked the big guy and taxidermy woman for talking to me and the shift after that was published, my manager, the WoW woman and Koreaboo all messaged me, clearly they felt pity for me. The Koreaboo and my manager gave up quickly but the WoW woman has been persistent and I appreciate it though I would rather not speak to her as we do not genuinely enjoy speaking to each other.

I decided to put in a formal complaint against my manager for all the bullying since I started working here, I emailed HR with the following list of issues:

1. He called me stupid/retarded multiple times
2. He called me “good boy” or “clever boy” multiple times
3. He called me “good girl” or “clever girl” multiple times
4. Made 1 racist joke
5. Making jokes about my appearance
6. Kept asking about my sexuality after I refused to reveal it to him
7. Threatened to make my time here a living hell

I sent this to the head office so hopefully this should be taken more seriously than if I’d just emailed his direct manager, I’ve simply asked to not share any shifts with him and to get a change of manager.

Before the end of my shift, my manager attempted to speak to me again, he messaged me to ask how things are going, as this was his second attempt, I decided to say something other than “fine”, I went with “could be better, could be worse”, he asked for more information and I said that I would rather not start discussing my personal life with him. He has never shared anything about his personal life when I asked, so I refuse to share anything further with him.

The following two days involved me doing another episode of my radio show and a hell of a lot of online shopping, I bought some dresses. I could do with some black boots though. I’ve also ordered more E as I’ve completely run out but it won’t arrive for a month, I’m highly concerned about this as being without any E or T can’t be good for my health.

The light fades

My day at work had a small amount of intrigue at the start, my manager messaged me and pushed me to use up my holidays since I refused the shift swap. The issue was escalated to the head of the call centre, I was told she’d contact me regarding it but I proactively emailed her and we agreed that I would work different days of my choice. They’re both either quiet days and/or days with several people in. I probably should have proposed that in the first place rather than arguing.

I chatted a little bit to the big guy and taxidermy woman over the workplace chat. My main accomplishment was being able to hold a conversation for 5 minutes with another manager at the end of my shift who was checking in on me.

The following day it was just me and the big guy but it’s been a quiet night so far. I’ve just been watching RuPaul in the background while working, currently on season 3, I was pretty disgusted when one contestant revealed they were “becoming trans” at the end of season 2, it really muddies the waters, drag queens are the complete opposite of what it means to be trans.

The major news is that I won’t be getting the flat despite having paid the deposit, the landlord has apparently taken it off the market, it’s clearly a fucking lie, they just found someone who would move in sooner. I’m massively crushed by this news, I would think about moving out multiple times every day, it was truly what was keeping me going, I believed everything would be better once I had my own space, I could be myself. It night not seem like much but being able to wear female pyjamas and nail polish would mean the world to me, especially during the lockdown, I could be me all the time instead of repressing the entire day like I’m doing now.

My father doesn’t knock when he enters my room, he barges in at least once a day, he always has a criticism and wants me to socialise with the family in the living room, I’ve tried bringing up that he doesn’t spend much time with them either, presumably for the same reason that I don’t, they don’t interact much with him.

Today he entered while I was working, I’d just gotten off a call, I called him a dog, the most offensive term in the Pakistani culture. He responded by ranting at me in Pakistani for an extended period, I weakly coughed in his direction and that was it.

Once again, I can’t overstate the mental anguish that losing out on that flat has brought me. I feel hopeless for the future.

Becoming a Pokemon Master (again)

The 4 days off work were all pretty similar. I played Pokemon SHIELD mostly and I’ve reached the end of the story, I think it’s a great game but I won’t be playing it much now since there isn’t anything else to do. My Pokedex is complete minus 3 Gigantamax forms. There are two that are exclusive to Pokemon SWORD that I’m trying to trade for and the last is a pre-order bonus that I missed so I’m trying to buy it, only costs £1.50. It is no exaggeration that almost all my time these last 4 days has been spent sitting on my bed in my room.

I made two trips outside, the first was to ASDA but I went back home when I saw there was a queue, the second time I went to ALDI instead since I no one was waiting to enter. It’s a smaller store so all I bought were 2 boxes of cereal, milk, a pack of biscuits and a large chocolate bunny that I thought was marked at 59p but was actually £3.99.

My father has continued to wreck the house with his attempts at DIY, he’s also still concerned with my sisters situation.

I’ve deposited around £900 and setup a direct debit with an energy supplier, so it looks like everything is ready to go. There are still a few concerns though, I don’t know if I need a gas supplier, I haven’t contacted my internet supplier to get it moved over and I’m still not sure how I’m going to move all my stuff over.

The only drama came last night when my manager asked if I wanted to swap some shifts and I told him that I didn’t and explained that there would be more work to do on the days he’s asking me to switch over to, I also called him out on trying to trick me. I know now that working hard isn’t appreciated at all, so there’s no point in doing so, I’ll be taking it easy and taking advantage all day long. He replied this morning. The text chain is below, in his response he tried to make me out to be the bad guy but I think it’s still pretty clear he was trying to pull a fast one on me.