Tomorrow

Had an early start so I was too tired to do any real work after the class I had. Hope to get some of my coursework done tomorrow.

Passed my female roommate in the hallway when I returned, I said “hi” first and waved, she said “hi” or “hello” back and look disinterested. Male roommate returned. Did not leave my room once I heard his voice. Completely given up with that, I have enough on my plate. Heard them talking in the kitchen later in the day, as usual she was a lot more excitable around him. I have not given this bitch a single reason to hate me, I am not attracted to her at all but I feel like fucking around with her clothes in her room while she is out just to spite her. I don’t hate my male roommate as much as I used to, his absence did our relationship some good.

While at uni I sat in the second to back row, a friend of the Polish guy who speaks to me sometimes tried to engage me, he introduced us to each other once but we did not hit it off, he was the guy I nodded to last week. He and his female friend asked me a question, I replied, got a generous laugh although I answered matter-of-factly, then I turn around, waiting for the lecture to start. The chatter and laughter between these two was a lot snappier and far less annoying than what I heard between the beta orbiter and his girls yesterday. The guy is foreign but he has a good voice, confidence, dresses well, styles his well, generally decent looking and the girl in not attractive thought in good shape, I am aware she has a boyfriend. The guy called me by name, I liked that a lot, not just because I can’t remember the last time I heard it but because it makes me feel like I have an identity, people see me for me, not just a live but awkward body.

I do not understand why these decent people keep bothering with me, it might have been because I accidentally sat near them and gave the impression I wanted to chat but more likely it is pity, one other theory that I play with is that I don’t understand just how good looking and charismatic I really am.