My Own Place….soon

I have been going to a couple of house viewings a week during the day between my night shifts, it’s really ruined my sleep but it’s essential that I find somewhere safe to live, most I’ve viewed have severe problems, I found one that didn’t need any work doing but had problems such as a low roof in the attic and no garden exit, I put in an offer £10,000 above the listed price. I’m doubtful I’ll snag it, it’s literally the cheapest house in town, located between Pakistani and white territory.

There was another house I missed the viewing on because I couldn’t find the house but I think that I just got the door number wrong because I did see a house with the correct estate agent sign.

Nothing worrh noting happening at work or at home.

Donate to Pakistan

Over the last 3 weeks I’d be lying if I said the majority of my time wasn’t taken up by playing video games and working but there was still room for events that linger in my mind and shall for some time.

I have come to accept that I have put on some weight over the last 3 months due to my depression stemming from the haircut and stress over having to deal with my dad’s insurance crap. As far as the insurance goes, I played hardball and got a final offer of £1000, I think I’m just going to accept it to get it over, it’s not worth the stress and it’s my dad’s fault for not getting buildings insurance. I ripped my pants at work, I reckon people did notice but didn’t say anything, I assume this because as soon as I got home, my mother pointed it out. My dad is still in Pakistan, I assume, I haven’t heard from him in 2/3 weeks.

On my way to ASDA, I saw a white guy lying in the park, he was motionless and covered in grass. I went up to ask if he was OK, he did not respond, I think I might have seen him breathing, when another white guy walked passed, he asked if he was dead, I said I think I could see him breathing, it would have been too dangerous to pry further, I just sent an email to the police and left it at that. I bought another block of driving lessons and shorted my instructor by £10, he didn’t notice.

The African guy at work brought in some Manowa Worms and offered them around, I ate one, it was wirey and a bit spciy, this is the most exoric thing I’ve ever eaten.

People at work occasionally pry about what I’m going to do with my time off and how I met my friends, I answer honestly but I find the questions pervasive. The best interactions I was having for a while were on the way back from work, I would say “good morning” to passerby’s, it was a nice and easy way to cheer people up and improve my social skills. This was ruined though when one woman started making small talk with me and asking questions, good morning isn’t good enough anymore, I need to plan out what to say in advance and if has to be something fresh, I’ve already commented on the weather.

Yesterday I had a think and observed the world and made the decision to donate £1000 to the Pakistani floods appeal (£1250 with gift aid). My money is near useless to me, it can do more for my fellow Pakistanis than it could ever do for me. I was also inspired by a friend who is white and NEET thinking of donating himself so I didn’t have much of an excuse, I also despise the lack of attention and care this matter is getting, I need to stand up for the cause.

The Steel City

On Saturday I went to Sheffield to hang out with my friends, there was a train strike so this was no easy endeavour, I had to get to the bus station for 5:39am, when I got there I got the impression that a worker had allowed a fat drunk female tattooed white animal on the bus for free, she was already on the bus when it arrived at the station but I overheard their conversation, she couldn’t be bothered to find her bus pass, later on the bus ride, a black woman with a baby tried getting on, she didn’t have change for £10 and the driver said he didn’t have change either, I immediately got up and said why do some people have to pay and others don’t, I targeted my frustrations at the driver but then the chumba jumped in, I felt I held my own even though the creature was allegedly offering to pay for the black woman, she also supposedly worked for the bus company, either way, I took pictures on my phone and sent complaints away, they were clearly sweating bullets, I could see it in the mans face and the woman was repeating over and over after the conversation was over that this will be classed as racism.

There were two more coaches to grab, nothing of note occurred on these journeys, I got into Sheffield at 11am and met up with Shutin within about 30 minutes, I made him aware that I wanted to eat but he couldn’t help himself, he grabbed a couple of sausage rolls and a coffee from Cooplands, a competitor to Greggs. We hooked up with Shout within another 15 minutes or so and hunted for a place to eat, I suggested classics such as KFC and Five Guys (unlimited refills on soft drinks). They were very down on this as for some reason they didn’t want KFC in the morning, though Shutin still wanted a second breakfast so his reasoning is suspect, Shout was plain just racist about the situation, he insisted that we could only dine at a white owned cafe or Spoons, I went for Spoons, I got myself a curry with a drink, Shutin got the same and Shout had, I believe, an “English breakfast”, chips, eggs, meat. As for outfits, Shout was dressed all in black, lost a lot of weight, Shutin wore green trainers, blue jeans and a pink t-shirt.

Following our re-fulling, we went into town and perused the local CEX and then headed over to the Video Game Museum, when I realised that entry was £11, I changed my mind and we instead spent some time at a local free gallery where we educated ourselves on the history of Sheffield, turns out they made cutlery, the walls were filled with cabinets full of the stuff, knives, forks and a surprising amount of tea pots, metal ones. There was also an exhibition for the football art prize, much more enjoyable. Both Shutin and Shout spent about 15+ minutes each in the bathroom, it was massively infuriating and boring, they need to sort out their diets. At some point there was also a trip to B&M Bargains where we each bought a drink, canned and chilled Coke Zero for 49p was a welcome surprise, not as overpriced as I’d expect.

It was now time to start meeting the rest of our gang, Cam, a zoomer incel was to arrive around 2pm at the train station, when we arrived in the area, it wasn’t difficult to pick them out, dressed all in black, severely underweight, glasses, hair had a gingery tinge to it, the incel stare, yeah, this was our guy. In many ways, he was a discount Ebin. I could tell that he came from a wealthy background, his “Girl Boss” sweater was clearly not cheap. I politely asked if they were non binary along with other pertinent questions throughout the day but the only response I received was a look of disgust and crypto-racism, I’ve encountered people like this before in settings like this and I know there’s nothing you can do to win them over, some people are just racist, it didn’t stop me trying though because I am a warm and friendly person. He was shy in some ways, he would whisper everything, unable to raise their voice above a certain decibel count but no afraid to offend me with their racist attitude.

Next we waited for Tig and his Nazi looking mate who we last met in Manchester, they drove here, we had to wander a bit before we bumped into them, Tig was as warm, chilled out and attractive as ever, we even got to see his shiny bald head which looks great on him, it’s accented by his beard and smile. The Nazi was also looking very sharp in his Nazi ways, you really wouldn’t be able to tell he was a drugs user or a non-racist, it just goes to show how appearances can be deceptive. I think I would like to see him grow his hair out some, he would look less like a Nazi but I am curious.

Our first trip together now the Avengers had assembled was the Spoons we went to earlier where everyone could get an alcoholic drink, I did push for Five Guys or Taco Bell again because I felt that we would be better served getting unlimited soft drink refills and having somewhere to sit down but I was outvoted. At Spoons, I got the unlimited hot drinks for £1.25, I mostly got milk, 5 refills, I think I got my moneys worth. The others all got booze, it’s all the same to me. We then went off to find another boozer, Shout claimed to know the place like the back of his paw, so we went to an Australian themed place with televisions so we could watch some football and later the big boxing bout. It was empty, a real ghost town, we sat down and this time I got a Dark Fruits and drunk with everyone else, Nazi and Tig also treated us to some WKD, I think Nazi might be my bf now, I’m not sure. We chilled for a while, chatting, commenting on passers by, the usual, but Shutin had to leave for a moment to shower, Cam was to sleep on his floor so had to check out the hotel too, Tig & Nazi also left to check into their hotel, they were to arrive back in about an hour, until then, me and Shout got speak to each other without needing to impress the others, he was more tender now and I believe having sex with him is a possibility. A couple of women sat at our table for a bit, prostitutes most likely, we made it clear we were not interested and they eventually fucked off. Shutin and Cam arrived back but Tig and Nazi were refused entry by the bouncers because the Nazi absolutely had to do drugs at this moment in time, couldn’t wait or do it once he was in, had to do it at that moment in time, we left to join them and the guy was clearly zonked, in another dimension. I was getting ready to leave to catch my coach back at 8pm, the others went to grab some tinnies from a local Pakistani owned shop and drink in the park like the hobos they’d become.

The trip back was fine, I put in another complaint though as I suspect someone had hot food on the coach and I also had to jump the turnstile to use the bathroom at the station.

Home life has been the same as usual for me but my mother is probably a bit down since it’s so quiet now with just the two of us, I watched Ms Marvel with her, hopefully my repeated viewings of the series are enough to confirm a second season for the first Pakistani Marvel superhero.

I’m currently playing “Trials of Mana”, it’s OK, clearly very old but I like traditional JRPGs.

Time Travel?

i suspect I may be a time traveller, each time I dash slightly forwards in time which is why the blog goes suck lengths without updates.

since my last entry, I have completed three Assassin’s Creed games, Unity, Rogue and Black Flag. All are a bit dated now so I wouldn’t recommend any but they’re all somewhat enjoyable.

I will aim for an proper entry soon but just some cliff notes of recent events, a colleague at work got an ice cream for everyone at work except me, the following day another colleague got me an ice cream to make up for it. My father has gone on holiday to Pakistan, before he went we had a dispute and I broke my television, this make gaming difficult and I feel annoyed that I wasted £379.00 on a new set just for it to break in under a year.

I’m mulling over legal action against an insurance company and I’m house hunting again, the last one I viewed was a total waste of time, it was up for £130k but needed everything doing, it was a complete tip. I’m willing to spend more than before but it seems prices have risen again.

Non-white Pride/Pakistani Dynasty

I have taken some time to reflect on why I’m struggling to update daily, it’s because when I get home from work I want to relax and unwind with video games and food, when I’m at work, I want to relax and unwind too but I opt for playing Hearthstone and watching YouTube/Netflix. I want to do better though because I forget to recount so many events, notable interactions in particular.

Last week I was mostly working, I got the platinum trophy on Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night during my downtime. The only notable work interaction was when a black worker approached me outside, he was an older guy, in his 40s, presumably, we’d spoken once before, he called me over to ask my name. This time we ended up speaking for about half an hour, though it was mostly him speaking, he told me of how he was once a social worker, he was at it for 12 years but got burned out, how people assume he’s fresh off the boat and his experiences with racism/authority. He would regularly go to police stations where the officers were skeptical over his credentials, he would then ask to speak to the duty sergeant, they’d then start showing him the proper respect. Another story is when he’d finish his shift at work, a white worker would whistle at him and point to where he wanted things left, the black man had too much pride though, he would leave it on the other end of the site and he would continue to do this for a week until the white man finally called him by his name to ask what he was doing, the black man replied “heh, so you do know my name”. The black man was trying to inspire me, be told me just because I was working in the office it didn’t make me one of them, that there’s more to work and that his father would often say “You are a fool blinded by money”, the meaning here is that when you open a door and see a door further down, don’t just stand in the hallway, be inquisitive and open the next door. I was inspired, he is a great speaker.

This week, I attended my sister’s wedding, I initially refused to attend but my aunt spoke to me and convinced me to go, I couldn’t say no to her, she was innocent, she hadn’t bullied me like my immediate family. I wasn’t in a good mood about it but figured I’d power through it.

The venue and the staff there were amazing, it was a 100% Pakistani business, I didn’t even know Pakistani’s could operate businesses at such a high level, this inspires me and encourages me to seek out more Pakistani businesses to support. The day consisted of a bridal photo shoot, the groom’s entrance, the nikkah, the bride’s entrance, eating and the ruksha. I didn’t want to take part in the events so always had to be called over, I didn’t want to spoil the day but since I was asked, I posed for the pictures and gave me sister a hug at the end when prompted by the events manager. I also ended up taking my cap off early in the day and exposing my hair, my balding uncle saw me wear a cap on Eid and copied me, we’d look like idiots if we were both wearing caps.

My review of the groom is that he is what some would call of Chad stock, he has partial white blood and is tall. His entrance was quite good, they had drums, dancing and flares. The food was good too, luckily we got to take the leftovers home, fine dining for a week. The highlight of the day was speaking to my relatives on my father’s side, I assumed there were just a few of them but it turns out my dad had 15 brothers and sisters, some of them step siblings. The difference is that they speak English, very well, might I add. The spoke like normal people and we had normal conversations. I quite like the idea of having a big family but I’m upset I missed out of it, I’m also convinced now that the poison in my DNA comes from my mother’s side of the family, my father’s side seems so much more functional.

In summary, what I have learned over the last 2 weeks is that non white people should stick together and we are capable of greater feats that whites. Furthermore I am proud of my Pakistani blood.

London and Eid

Towards the end of my week off work I decided to take a trip to London, I didn’t have anything planned, I just wanted to have done something with my time off. I jumped on a coach and was on my way, it was a dull ride as there were no USB chargers so I spent 6 hours staring out the window.

When I got there, I was surprised by how quiet some parts were, I was hungry though and didn’t pay much mind, I headed straight for Wing Stop but found that there was a large PRIDE parade taking place making it impossible to cross the road, even at points where the parade wasn’t taking place. I considered watching the parade but couldn’t find a good spot and was hungry, I managed to watch a little bit but it wasn’t that interesting, I also didn’t like the people who it attracted, a lot of people carrying flags I didn’t recognise, likely bisexual, asexual and lesbian flags, entirely inappropriate for the event but then again there were people carrying Ukrainian flags taking part in the actual damn parade.

My feet were hurting from trying to find a way across the parade, I initially thought to follow the parade backwards to find the origin but then I had a brainwave, I should use the London Underground service to cross beneath the parade. I wondered around and found myself beneath the surface of the capital and hopped around shuttles until I was sure that I was on the other side, it was the middle of nowhere though and very far away from Wing Stop. I asked for assistance through my messaging app and Andrew, who resides in London, heroically volunteered to save me and spend some time with me.

My feet were killing me, every step was agony but I struggled along and made my way to the Imperial War Museum where I was meeting Andrew. I say down for a bit and saw a man approach, he wasn’t wearing a hat or any head covering today, I remarked that it was bold of him. Inside the building we first spotting some air vehicles above us, one was possibly a Spitfire, one a jet of some sort and the last, as Andrew delighted in informing me, was a Japanese air vehicle known as a “Sakura”. We went around the three floors but it was quite disappointing, there wasn’t much content, a lot of the pieces were World War 1 and 2 era. There were also some Samurai swords, Andrew got a bit of an erection at this point, can’t say it was the weeb in him or the Moni on his arm.

I was ready to call it a bust but then we stumbled into the Holocaust memorial section, the first room was just boring pictures, the next however was filled with Nazi memorabilia, there were rooms of the stuff, along with Nazi uniforms, more than I ever knew existed and more than the British uniforms in the museum, there were also life size images of Hitler and his inner circle. I would summarise this part of the exhibition as quite cool, there were even kids taking pictures with Hitler, it got everyone excited. I was surprised by the lack of jokes from Andrew though, I later queried if he had any blood of Holocaust survivors but he denied it.

We next went to Wing Stop and got the spiciest meal on the menu, Andrew shockingly handled the spice much better than myself, I was shocked and couldn’t comprehend how such a feat was possible, his blood was as white as freshly squeezed mayonnaise. We chilled and chatted for a while, enjoying the unlimited free refills on drinks.

I wanted to check out the shops afterwards, we went to Harrods and oggled the expensive clothing, I found a jacked I liked but it was £3000.

The time soon came to part ways and head home, it was a fine trip, when I got home I begin playing “Ghost of Tsushima”, the historical inaccuracies bother me significantly but the gameplay is fun so I’ve been playing it continuously since, I’m close to clinching the platinum trophy.

The insurance people, the ones representing the person who smashed their car into my gate are being annoying, so slow, they’ve blocked my phone number due to abuse and we must communicate through email now. I am mostly frustrated that my father can’t handle this himself. The only positive thing I can say about him is that when driving me home from work, he stopped the car to avoid hitting a squirrel.

Last Sunday was Eid, again, I didn’t want to take part due to continued depression regarding my hair, I forced myself though to be polite, though ironically I was rude at times. I’ve avoided looking in mirrors since the incident, I turn mirrors around the house and place coverings over them. I did see one at work though and realise I’ve put on weight, I must have overate the last month, to overcome the upset, I’ve also been less active, I don’t want to go outside anymore.

To boost my self confidence though, I’m planning on taking some new pictures of myself using the temporary replacement hair I was sent for my birthday, I do worry though it might lower my confidence though. I will be dieting, again, a full Coke Zero diet

It’s just a number

Yikes! Another (almost) 2 weeks without an update, I feel like the period was more meaningful than I remember, my mind is like a sieve these days. I called in sick to work on Monday but it turns out it doesn’t matter anymore, I was right, if you’ve got Covid you can just come into work as normal. So I went in during my next 4 shifts, the week went by quickly, one notable incident was my co-worker saw me watching internet streamer, Vaush, reacting to a video by Ben Shapiro and my co-worker commented on it thinking I was a Shapiro fan, I tried explaining the situation but he kept teasing me, I am troubled that he unironically watching Shapiro and Steven Crowder, these are alt right YouTubers. He was also in the army and I don’t really like some of his army stories, he is a nice guy though, he’s the one who gives me sweets, he gave me two packs on my birthday, I say it was my birthday because I didn’t want any questions about my plans but I think he remembered the date from a previous conversation.

My driving lessons are….occurring, doing left and right turns again, the guy is better than the last instructor, he’s all business, no chit-chat and we visit new roads every lesson.

My media reviews are as follows, the final two episodes of “Kenobi” are excellent, highly entertaining but “Ms Marvel” has decreased in quality but that’s understandable, it might be a similar case to Kenobi were episodes 1, 2, 5 & 6 are good and 3 and 4 are not so much. Loved the new season of Umbrella Academy, binged it in two or three days. PlayStation Plus has launched its new service giving me over 100 games I can sink my claws into, thought only about 20 actually interest me, I’ve played through some of the short fun ones first like the narrative horror games, “Little Hope” and “Man of Medan”, the shark game “Maneater” was also fun, “Mortal Kombat 11” looks very nice upgraded for the PS5 but now it’s time for “Call of Cthullu”, it’s not very long, the graphics look awful but I liked the short story, this might be fun for a while.

My mother bought me some loungewear and slippers for my birthday, she knew I didn’t really want anything, also got me some Lindor chocolates and cooked my favourite meal, brown rice and chicken.

In the post, I received a birthday present, I was confused, I had received gifts before and it was nice but I wasn’t expecting anything this year, I opened the package to find a wig, I stuffed it back into the package and my initial reaction was annoyance, I assumed this was clearly a prank of some sort, I was being mocked but after conversations with friends, I feel this might have been a genuine attempt to make me feel better, there’s also a screenshot showing the value of the wig to be over £40 and made of horsehair (still a downgrade from Pakistani hair which is the gold standard for wigs), I only glanced at it in the bag initially and assumed it was just a cheap £10 party wig. Having reassessed matters, I would say this is the most thoughtful gift I have received, yes, even beating out the Magic the Gathering card Shutin sent me.

I passed my test!

It’s been 2 weeks since my last entry, I guess you could say I’ve been busy “smelling the roses”. My driving test did not go ahead, I managed to re-arrange to a date in November, I am quite annoyed with my former driving instructor and think he may have scammed me, the lesson here being not to trust a Pakistani just because they speak well and are friendly, my new Pakistani driving instructor does not speak as well and doesn’t discuss personal issues but I feel like he’s more honest and more dedicated to helping me pass my driving test.

I appear to have caught Covid my first clue was a last weekend where I was very dizzy and slept for 36 hours, I went into work, developed a cough and ordered a Covid test online, it came back positive, that’s one test I passed, huh? I went into work on the Friday but was scolded, I worked in another office for the shift and will call in sick next week. I was surprised by the reaction at work, it was pretty obvious I had Covid all week and people were making jokes about it but when it was confirmed that I actually had it, people were upset, very confusing.

I’m unsure how I contracted Covid, my theories are that I either got it from the “snow” or possibly from my friend when he gave it to me as I don’t interact with many other people, as my mother kindly pointed out.

Shin Megami Tensei: Rebirth of the Goddess

Many today are familiar with the Norse God of Trickery, Loki, but what they don’t know is that the name “Loki” is a mistranslation, their true name was “Pah-Kee” and I am their reincarnation. I’ve become frustrated a bit with the person at work who does my job during the day, I feel like they don’t work as hard and have an inflated sense of self worth, for example, they changed the filing system so I ensured that they would do all the filing but when they realised how much work it was they basically went back to my old system. So, to stick it to them, I riffled through their desk drawers, found a bottle of fragrance, I tried emptying it but there was no way to unscrew the top, instead I tried spraying it until it was empty but it took too long, so I settled for just dropping it in the mens urinal and then placing it back in his drawer. The normie cunt is getting married and appears to have a child, he deserves me fucking with him a little, about time something went wrong in his life. He has some notebooks that I might tear pages from and coffee that I might partially empty in his drawers too.

My driving lessons have been a disaster, even more so than last time, I am genuinely considering the possibility that I may have some kind of learning disability. My instructor took my for a mock driving test, we did a route we have driven over at least twice already, the aim was the score 2 or fewer major faults, I started off alright but ended up with 13 major faults and 2 dangerous faults. The two dangerous faults were attempting to drive through a red light (I saw the pedestrians crossing, slowed down and then attempted to drive on after they had crossed because I didn’t realise the reason they were crossing was the red light), the other one was at a roundabout, I was waiting for an opening but set off too soon, I would have hit a car as it passed by instead of slipping in just after. As for major faults, I never checked my mirrors, forgot to check blind spot when setting off, I went in the wrong lane in a roundabout and drove in two lanes while trying to switch lanes, I went over the speed limit briefly, trying going through a no entry, that was a bad one, I knew it was there but waiting for my instructor to tell me to turn. I know my instructor isn’t trying to rinse more money out of me because I offered to take more lessons but he said he didn’t have the time, he’s going to see if any one wants to switch test dates with me.

Outside of the gaming, I have felt very down this week, I needed a pick me up, something to help me see the light, so I contacted a friend who is always having a good time and always offers a good time to those around. I offered to meet him but he went the extra mile, literally and travelled to me, we were meeting outside the park where all the junkies hang out during the day, he was in an automobile, I felt nothing but disgust at the sight of the machine but hid it and hopped inside. He looked the same as always, still skinny, smiling and could do with dying his facial hair. He kindly handed me my pick-me-up and I handed over his remuneration, we drove to my house where he dropped me off, I mentioned the home was Victorian and rambled about the size even though I had more interesting things to say. As he drove away, I heard “broom, broom”, I’m not sure if that was the sound of the car or my friend making the noise to mock me.

Last weekend I played Bioshock 2, it was OK, I then proceeded to attempt Bloodborne again, I was close to giving up again but was finally able to push through the first area, I was even able to beat all the bosses and dream of the platinum trophy but the game had multiple endings which meant backing up and restoring save data but I carelessly deleted my save data before confirming it was backed up, quite disappointing to have lost hours of gameplay but at least I had finished the game. I guess having now finished 3 SoulsBorne games, I’m officially a hardcore gamer.

I’m not toothless

The working part of my week has been nothing, I do as much or as little as I feel comfortable with, any pressure I had before has now disappeared knowing that there really is nothing expected of me.

On the Thursday I had my Root Canal appointment with my Pakistani dentist, he said it would take an hour but luckily it only took 10 minutes because he found the nerve so quickly, it didn’t hurt my I had to swallow often because of the saliva accumulating in my throat. When leaving though I realised I forgot my payment card so went back home, I bumped into my cousin, she has been messaging me on WhatsApp to ask if I’m OK but I’m ignoring her, I don’t know what to say, I’m not OK but I don’t want to talk, it’s a waste of time, it won’t fix anything. She asked me outright if I was OK and I said I was, she pushed to drive me back to the dentist but I rebuked her.

When I got back to the dentist, there was confusion over how much I should pay since the previous receptionist incorrectly put my previous appointment down as an “emergency appointment” instead of a simple Band 1. I stood my ground and got my way, a £23.80 discount, while arguing, I got a bit racist but she didn’t realise, I said “you’re all the same to me” I caught myself part way and amended what I intended to say (something more along the lines of “you all look the same to me”). The receptionist was white.

At night my mother asked if I was OK and if she could enter my room, I refused her entry and told her I was fine.