A wild gamer appears!

Only 3 days at work this week, I’m going to share more about my working life this entry. There’s someone who is supposed to do the same job as me on days, I used to think I was treated as a special needs case who just dealt with paperwork and he then cleaned up and I was partially right, he does the cleaning up because he works on days, he can be chased up, I can just ignore everyone. He’s also a lazy twat, he had a reputation for disappearing for hours once the managers left, that was until he was caught masturbating in the bathroom, apparently his wife was on zoom with him. I assume he also masturbates to YuGiOh cards as on his desk he has a picture of his wife with a YuGiOh card slotted in the corner. I make sure to leave him work now and aim to spend an average of 3 hours per shift not working.

Of the new people I work with, one of them has been here for 7 months but has just switched from nights to days. He’s a young gamer, I think I could have bonded with him but missed the boat, repeatedly, he asked the room if anyone else played “Set for Life”, it’s a lottery, I didn’t say anything, he’s a PC gamer, bit of a divide between that and PS5, I didn’t build on the conversation to ask which games he plays. He isn’t just a gamer though, he follows football and seems to know it well, the room is always full with football banter, bit resentful too because there’s a video game I’ve been meaning to work into conversation since starting here because it would interest people but he got in there first and got the 5 minutes I was after.

Playing Gravity Rush and bought “Final Fantasy Crisis Core Reunion” for £34, I little discount on full price, should be able to sell it on for £30 or so by the end of the month.

Other notes, my bed is still broken, I am cold often, I’m sick of playing games and watching shows on a tiny TV screen, I can’t buy a house because I need new wage slips to apply for a mortgage again but can’t log into the work system for that.

A Merry Moni Xmas

The last 2 weeks have been pretty standard, I’ve been doing a bit more work at work instead of just watching Netflix because the person who does my job during the day is on holiday. I haven’t had any great interactions with co-workers or any one else for that matter, that I can recall anyway. Changes at work are that two new people have been hired, they work 4 on 4 off shifts, so work opposite each other. I am a little miffed about this, they don’t seem to have experience in this sort of role and it’s the type of job I wanted to have a shot at, I don’t see why some people get these opportunities and others don’t. I will compliment the company though for continuing for the diversity drive, one of the new guys is black, so on some days, 3/7 staff in the office in non-white, other days it’s just me, not that I care too much about that sort of thing, I’m just trying to see the inner workings, behind the curtain.

The most notable interaction I had involved me using the key for a drawer I was given by the candy man, he trusts me to keep it locked and keep my string stored in there, however, another co-worker who sits at that desk on the opposite shift asked for the key, I gave it to him but then asked for it back, explaining later that I didn’t want him to be mad at me for giving away access to his drawer without his consent.

Driving lessons are going well, I think I’m a much better driver now, I struggle to make decisions when driving at high speeds because it takes time to absorb information from signs and road markings, particularly, it’s the “big roundabouts” that I struggle with. I have a new test booked for April.

Not much going on in the video game front, I think my controller has stick drift, I’m waiting a bit to buy “Final Fantasy Crisis Core” and “God of War Ragnarok”, I’m also keeping an eye on “House of Ashes”, I enjoy point and click adventures.

Xmas dinner was delicious, chicken, roast potatoes, stuffing, bread crumb sauce, cake, everything was perfect, it was only me, my mother and London sister though, everyone else has their own families.

We are all Moroccan

It’s been 3 weeks since my last entry and my mind is blank, I think I’m living day to day. What sticks out, which interactions are memorable enough? Well, a co-worker, the guy who gives me rides home, said he was watching Addam’s family spin-off show “Wednesday” and said I reminded him of someone from the show while he was watching it, I crossed my fingers for a good one but it turned out to be the Paki.

Another co-worker, the ex-army guy who gives me sweets, asked if I had any plans for the weekend, I said I didn’t, he then said that was par for the course for me, in an attempt to regain face, I said the previous weekend I tried “speed”, we then tried figuring out what drug that actually was, I claimed it was meth, my co-worker then proceeded to tell everyone he entered the office, one co-worker then confirmed that what I actually look was “Wiz” and it wasn’t meth, I felt silly.

My spending has gotten a bit out of hand, still spending less than I earn but my monthly spend is usually under £500, this month, it was around £1000, I bought frivolous things like Magic the Gathering and Pokemon cards. Many a video game too but I can sell all those on for around the same price I bought them for, I’ve already moved Sonic Frontiers on for a small profit. I’ve quickly made my way through all the big releases of the period, “Plague Tale: Requiem” a 7.5/10, I recommend, I do not recommend however Gotham Knights and Sonic Frontiers is just OK, no more heroes 3 is also just OK but only because I have fond memories of the previous entries.

On the house buying front, I have viewed a couple more, one offer was rejected, the other was accepted but I went too high, only £2,000 under the asking price, they are sure to accept less since they accepted my previous low offer, a clear lack of interest in this property. It’s not in a good location and there are stairs in the living room, I could also see my breath when I visited but it’s a roof over my head. I am waiting to hear back, I already told them that I am revising my offer to 5k under the asking price.

It’s not all doom and gloom, great joy was brought to my soul watching Morocco progress through the World Cup, a reminder that anything is possible and to believe in yourself.

Maybe, Just Maybe

Since my last entry I have been spending money a bit casually, I figure since I wasted £900 on solicitors fees, money is meaningless at this point, so I’ve been about £200 on Magic the Gathering cards and maybe £50 or so on lottery tickets, the tickets is silly, it just seems like a trivial amount to throw away each month. I am still looking at houses, not vigorously though, got a viewing on Thursday though all the homes I see are more expensive and smaller than the one I lost.

Not much on the gaming front, just playing “Plague Tale: Requiem”. I have bought Sonic Frontiers on sale from Amazon using a £5 discount voucher, I’ll be trading it into CEX for £6 profit.

The World Cup has picked up my mood, it gives us all something to believe in, after Pakistanis defeat to England last week, I pinned my hope on seeing some Pakistani excellence here, I was initially let down again when Qatar lost, then Sengal, then Iran but everything seems right with the world again, by chance I tuned into the second half of the Argentina vs Saudi Arabia game and both witnessed one of the greatest games of all time and the finest performance by a Pakistani team in football history, Saudi Arabia won, magic, they did what everyone said was impossible but they proved them wrong, so maybe I’m wrong about what cannot be accomplished.

I had a nice night out with my local friends, they hit me up late on Saturday afternoon, I didn’t have enough time to sleep, pick an outfit or groom, so I just took an hour nap and turned up to show my face, it would have been nice to have some more prep time but regardless, I met up with my camp friend, nazi friend and “cam”, met him in Sheffield, he’s the non binary person, we call him “cam” because he always has a look like he’s just been caught out on a nonce hunter cam/video. None of them looked like they made much effort to dress up either. I was the first to turn up which was disappointing.

I met the camp boy and nazi first, they were thirsting eagerly for alcohol and were considering planting roots in a brewery and waiting for Cam there but I convinced them to go to the train station but they insisted on purchasing drink from the mini supermarket first, I suspect they may have an addiction.

Cam arrived and I heroically managed to direct the group to the Christmas markets instead of a pisser….they all bought alcoholic drinks there and pork products, Can went to town on his like it was a large throbbing penis. I wanted to explore further and find some chocolate pancakes but the search was cut short as the Nazi was getting fidgety, he needed a drink soon, we went over to one of our favourites, a cramped and small space in the northern quarter, we went to the outer area and had some drinks, Can suggested a Gin & Lemonade for me, it was very nice, one of my favourite drinks now.

While sitting down, we were offered some hyper dash by the Nazi, it only cost £5 a gram, I regret not buying some, it’s good for weight loss and really cheap, it doesn’t seem to do much else of anything either, low chance of death. We all partook while Nazi regaled us with his thoughts on the greatest man in the history of the world, Oliver Cromwell and how he would threaten to and succeed in killing the king, I also took a look at his Poke on cards, later on we went out to look for somewhere else to drink but Nazi used some harder stuff and was clearly to hammered to get in anywhere, bouncers were refusing him entry from a mile away. We found somewhere to drink outside though, it was alright, it was getting close to 11pm and we split though I had to chaperone Nazi, he was lagging behind and getting aggressive due to his reduced cognitive abilities a result of the pixie dust.

Gotta Stay Positive

The earth beneath me appears to have given way and I’ve found myself in a bit of a hole, I’m not spiralling and I am still positive though.

First of all, I didn’t pass my driving test. I didn’t fail, I just didn’t pass. My instructor was nice enough about it and encouraged me to keep taking lessons, which I shall. The test went very badly, I got 2 dangerous faults (thinking I could squeeze though a bus and a parked car, I was also headed straight towards a parked car when looking for somewhere to park up( and 2 serious ones (went in the wrong lane on a big roundabout and then cut across lanes to the exit, plus some steering issues), they were all bad, except perhaps the steering. The examiner was nice, I failed within 5 minutes or so of starting, my instructor remarked on us being back sooner than expected but I appreciated the examiner letting me drive for 30 mins or so to get a fuller test experience, I got 6 minor faults but I doubt it was worth counting them. My co-workers were quite supportive.

Secondly, I chose to ask for a further reduction in price on the house I am buying, 13K to be exact, it’s based on the solicitor giving me a list of things that require indemnity insurance, I didn’t quite understand it all but my mother has been pestering me about overpaying and it’s seeped into my brain now, I want a discount, house prices are falling, I can get something better, etc. I was rebuffed, I said I was pulling out, I am now awaiting the solicitors fees, I expect that to be around a grand. I am looking at houses again, prices do seem to have gone down a bit, not sure if I should pounce now or wait even longer.

I can only attribute this to my mother putting “nuzzur” on me, it’s a form of Pakistani black magic that brings people misfortune, she wants me to stay at home to pay the bills as she is unemployed and to take care of her as her disability worsens. It seems like her and my father are separating again, I saw them fighting earlier in the week, my mother seems like the villain due to her aggression and unwillingness to compromise or forgive, this is despite my fathers multiple failings, all he seems to want is for my mother to cook for him when he gets back from work. My dad agreed to move out, he has my brother looking at house or flat auctions for him.

I find looking at cars and houses on the street distressing and it can feel overwhelming but I am keeping my feet planted to the ground, I need to keep up with the driving lessons and keep checking house listings.

Soul Cleansing

I had a whole week away from work and I did….little to nothing. I arranged for Sky TV to be installed at my grandmothers house, she doesn’t speak English so I thought she would appreciate having some Pakistani media channels to choose from, it’s costing me over £20 a month but I think this is the best use for that money. My uncle who she lives with really should have done this, I don’t know what he spends his money on, I suspect it’s OnlyFans or something like that. My grandmother is struggling a little to get to grips with it, she is 89 afterall. I went over to see her 3 times during my time off, we watched classic modern Pakistani films such as Laal Singh Chadah and RRR. I was surprised by her views on RRR, she felt the British colonisers were portrayed in an overly negative light and the Pakistanis overly positive. I am her favourite grandchild, I’m sure she was happy to spend time with me. One thing that struck me hard though was when she mentioned I was buying a new house, she asked if it had a downstairs bathroom, she can’t really use stairs anymore. If I could back out of the purchase, I would and look for a place suitable for her.

The guy I mentioned before continues to give me rides home from work, I greatly appreciate but don’t know how to show it still, this pains me. He seems like a kindred spirit, he is from the same town and is single. He gives me driving tips and recently shared a harrowing story about when as a child some other kids attacked him and his brother by the canal, stole their bikes and threw his brother into the canal, he had to have therapy, currently going in for heart surgery. All I could comment on was how awful bike theft it.

At work I had a work appraisal, I had nothing to say and neither did the man conducting, he asked if I wanted any training, I said not really and then asked if I wanted to keep shuffling paper, I honestly do, there’s no aggro to it.

On the gaming front, I have now completed every main series Assassin’s Creed game except the first one, I like all of them. Digimon Survive sucked, I regret purchasing it, the upside is the code inside was unused so I redeemed promotional Digimon trading cards with it that can be sold for over £10, maybe £20.

It looks like my driving instructor will let me take the test, I am struggling, my last two mocks didn’t go well. I am struggling with parking on the left.

Slow and Steady Progress

The last two weeks have been eventful, on the home buying front, my mortgage has been approved, the valuation came in £5000 under the price I agreed to buy it for, I did have to increase my deposit amount as a result since the loan value could be no more than 60% of the property value. The bank is now waiting on the certificate of title from my solicitors, I gave them a call and it seems like they’ve done little work to date, completion is going to be a long while away, I sent them £225 so they could conduct searches, that’s where we’re at. This is beneficial to me as I am running low on disposable funds. I’ve told some family about the purchase and they are impressed as it borders Pakistani territory, it’s considered a good location.

A guy from work offered me a lift back home while seeing my walk down the road, he spotted me in ASDA a few times so knew we were going the same way. We’ve had a total of 3 trips together and the topic of conversation has always been driving, I still struggle to evolve the topic of conversation, I also wish to show my appreciation for his kindness.

My driving lessons are….continuing, the reverse bay park is 50/50 but I am quite good at parallel parking, I make errors when general driving though. I’m paying for 2 hours a week and my instructor says he’ll make time for me to take additional hours before my test.

A fun little story from work, the guy who supposedly does my job during the day asked if he could take the week of holidays I booked off, as both of us can’t be off at the same time and his kid has half term so he will need to sort child care while he’s at work. It would have been fun to screw around with him a bit and see if he had anything he was willing to trade but it’s unlikely, the last week in October is a good one and I doubt he has anything in November/December that he either has or is willing to give up, it would just make me look bad opening up to trade but then refusing the crap he has to offer. Mostly though, I rebuffed him because he opened up his request by asking if I actually had anything planned for my time off work. I didn’t want to seem rude by telling him to just get lost so I claimed to have a holiday to Pakistan booked, I did think about saying it was either Dubai or the French Riviera that I was headed too but I don’t think that would have been believable.

My sister got a promotion at work, the other one switched careers, seems like a step up. I find it quite puzzling how they were able to move up the ladder given our disadvantages in life, in my opinion we pretty much have all the downsides of both 1st and 4th generation immigrants with none of the upside other than self awareness which in this case is more of a curse.

I’ve finished “Soul Hackers 2”, it’s crap, currently playing “Gravity Rush”, it’s good, still trying to get “Digimon Survive” for a good price but the October PS Plus Extra games lineup should serve me well (Assassin’s Creed 3, GTA Vice City Remastered, Medium, possibly the Dragon Quest Heroes games and the upgraded version of Dragon Quest 11, it’s a shame Assassin’s Creed Syndicate is only playable on the PS4 as the PS5 version is “broken”).

Slumlord

I am pretty anxious right now and not had a good night’s sleep for a while. The house offer was accepted, as my mum said, “of course it was, you went 10k over the listed price”. I’ve got solicitors firm to do the legal part (costing over £1300), I’ve applied for my mortgage, I got in just before the rates changed, fixed at 3.7% for 5 years, 15 year mortgage that I could pay off in 10. Yesterday, the mortgage people did a survey/valuation.

What’s causing the anxiety is the changing market, I should probably ask for a reduction in the price at the very least and what if I just waited, what if the house prices completely crashed, I’d be able to pick up something even better, but it’s unknown how far they’ll fall. I think I’ll wait until the valuation, I’ll then have more of a leg to stand on when asking for 6k off the price, I’m also unsure of how much of a reduction to ask for. I feel like I’m really getting ripped off but I don’t know any better.

I’m still not completely done with the insurance people, I’ve agreed to a £1000 settlement but still need to send over another signed document. Me and my father no longer speak since his return from Pakistan, he tried giving me lifts to work, I refused, threatened to kill him and have been getting the bus back ever since, he also used to ambush me at work and give me a lift home, originally I accepted them but eventually refused, I felt guilt but had to overcome it, I no longer get lifts to and from work from him anymore.

I’m watching the new Lord of the Rings show with my mother, we’re enjoying it. My favourite storylines are the Hobbit girl with the meteor man and the Black Elf in the Southlands. The series gets going at episode 3 and kicks off at episode 6. In terms of video games, I playing Soul Hackers 2, I do not recommend it, it’s a very cheap and interior in every way version of Persona, it is much harder though.

I got caught in heavy rain yesterday and washed my clothes for the first time in around 2 months. I also washed and dried my backpack, this was a mistake, the bag lost its shape. My bed is broken, the wooden planks around the middle have fallen out of their slots, I balance them on the edges but they always end up falling.

Optimism

I got a call to say that my offer on the house had been accepted, though not those exact words, just that I should send it ID and we could get everything sorted today, I’m a bit concerned by that but it’s all so overwhelming that the source of my stress can’t be pinpointed to any one thing. I stayed up late applying for a mortgage (I guesstimated some figures, I don’t think they’re significant enough to matter), it’s going to take a week for the mortgage process to progress to the point that they send me documents that I need to send back, who knows how long the whole thing will take. I also needed a conveyer, that’s something a solicitor does, I took the suggestion of the estate agent, they get a £250 referral fee, the quote I was given was £1300, I understand it could rise, I am worried about that. I’m also worried that I already told the estate agent and the mortgage application that this is my solicitor though not yet signing the documents, I want clarification on additional fees.

My dad again asked to drive me to work, I refused but again he picked me up and drove me back home.

My bus to work was late, I keep the tracker up on my phone and I informed the one person there I was waiting with as I noticed him checking the timetable. He was chatty and friendly, living in Bury, had a drug problem, missing teeth, he was Pakistani, I believe in his early 40s, English native, he told me his love story of how he was betrayed by his family, how his father who provided for the family got sick and he had to rise up after being thrown into the streets, the many jobs he’s had, he’s a skilled builder but recently got fired from a warehouse for failing a drugs test. I took his phone number and said I’d give him a line on a job here as they’re always hiring, I offered to buy him a bus ticket but due to the lateness of the bus but he said his friend was on the way to give him a lift.

The guy said all the things I needed to hear, he’s a builder so could help me scan the insurance, he didn’t appreciate his father enough and he was a Pakistani would reminded me that Pakistanis could also betray you (racism bad), he taught me to help others and to make connections. Due to the convenience of all this, I suspect he may have been an illusion created by my sleep deprived mind. I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a while, today I operated on, I don’t know how little, my bed is broken, the spines in the middle have fallen out.

He’s Back

My father returned on Monday, I had to sneak out of the house so I could use the bus to get to work instead of having him drive me. We did wrestle at the front door, the neighbours saw us, he gave up. I don’t want my father driving me to work because he uses it as an excuse to ask me for favours, he says that he goes out of his way to drive me so I should do whatever it is that he’s asking. I’m also no longer arguing with him, I’m just going to ignore him, it will cause me less stress.

On Tuesday morning he did turn up at my workplace to drive me home, I tried avoiding him but he got out of the car and started wrestling me again, he said people were looking at us and that they were getting out of their cars. I let him drive me home. On Tuesday night, he approached me in my bedroom as I was leaving, he looked sad and pleaded to drive me to work, I refused, he tried wrestling me again, my mum shouted from downstairs and he relented. I am happy with my my mother in that moment even if she doesn’t understand.

I took another driving lesson, a 2 hour block, my instructor is very positive but brutal with the truth sometimes and insists on progress, I think the schedule up to the test will be tight though he says we’re on pace.