Am I Tawny?

Had a dream where I nuked South Asia, Poland, Hungary, Saudi Arabia and Israel. In court I said that no one had to pretend anymore, they can freely admit those I killed were scum.

Still doing emails at work, I’m getting suspicious, feel like they want me off the phones because I’m considered rude to customers. I didn’t speak to anyone socially, I offeree one normie a pen without speaking and he responded with “nice one”. Someone else referred to me as “him”.

The person I communicate with most is the woman you ask if you have a work related query, I feel like she’s annoyed by me. The main planning department guy asked me if I would be prepared to adjust my shift pattern, I agreed, didn’t ask for anything because it doesn’t really matter, I work the same pattern, it’s just going to get rolled forward a week or two.

Ate lunch. Beginning to start arguing with sisters again.

ChapStick, foundation and phone screen protector arrived. The foundation might be too dark.

Played a little Persona 5 but the long story bits are getting tedious.

On a roll

Emails at work again, I almost went the day without speaking to a colleague, the lone exceptions were when the woman to my right asked a question and when I overheard the woman to my left and tapped her on the shoulder to enquire about someone who she claimed had been fired.

Skipped lunch again, proud of myself, it’s easier to do when I’m just answering emails. By the end of the week, I hope to see results on the scales if not the mirror.

Need to return the shoes I bought, looks like I am a size 8 this time.

My facial hair situation still sucks, there a lot of fine hair around my mouth area. I’m definitely switching to laser this time.

An ally appears

Work was strangely busy but I got to do emails during the second half of the day. I successfully skipped lunch but my throat hurts so I didn’t have much of an appetite anyway. Feel proud of myself, hope this leads to losing half a pound.

I had a one-to-one with my manger, he’s Asian, easy to speak to, seems to like me, said he’s intrigued by me, seems to want me to figure out what I want and help me get there. I like him but I was probably too formal and honest with him.

My brother visited but we didn’t speak.

Throughout the day the terms “Britain First” and “Paki” keep assaulting my mind.

I’ve stopped wearing my Sketchers to work.

Feel hideous due to laser swelling my hair follicles.

Vengeance will be mine, just not today

Played Persona 5 for around 10 hours, it’s brilliant

I spend the rest of my time online shopping though there isn’t anything I’ve committed to buying recently.

Planning on watching “War for the Planet of the Apes” at some point.

I had a minor argument with my mother when she complained about not bring able to watch TV because I was on the PS4. I got off and for some reason she claimed she still couldn’t watch anything and called me a bastard. I called her a bitch, she claimed I only got off because I wanted to, I insisted it was because I’m a nice person and she shouldn’t judge others based on her own warped standards.

Woke up at 11:45, possibly my sleep debt from travelling.

Bad luck or just an idiot

I spent a lot of timbadly.ying Persona 5 today, it’s great, like playing an anime. I’m using a spreadsheet though to try and get the Platinum trophy though since there seems to be a lot of missable ones. It will take much more than a month to completely finish.

Early on in the day I sent an email to the laser clinic since I forgot the time of my appointment, they got back to me quickly and at 2pm I was off, after a minute of walking I realised I forgot my travel pass and my wallet. I had also forgotten my house key and no one was home, I was incredibly stressed, I did the only thing I could at this point and went to my grandmothers to borrow £10.00, I felt bad the only time I visited her was when I needed something and I know she misses me, I spent all my time around hers when I was a child. Her ageing is upsetting, if my quality of life were to drop as hers is doing, I’d be miserable but she comes across rather positive.

I ran to make my trip, the running wasn’t so bad since I was wearing Sketchers but despite the blazing sun being out I decided to wear a coat so I sweated heavily. Nothing notable on the train apart from a middle aged man playing Pokémon GO and a trio of childish pakis. At the ticket barrier I realised I’d lost my tickets, I ran back to the train where I infuriated the driver by not getting off because he couldn’t depart for the depot until I did. I eventually found my tickets which must have fallen out of my pocket when pulling my phone and looking at the driver smugly.

I was now sweatier and out of breath. I walked to the laser place, had my session with a different technician, got some small talk in since I had things to talk about today. The session was good, the tech was interested in my progress and made adjustments.

At home I played more Persona. Went out to buy Coke Zero. Watched the drugs cheat beat Usain Bolt and that was it for the day.

As usual, I’m optimistic about the results from the latest laser session. Looking to buy a womens coat and/or jacket.

Downloaded a Shiny Tapu Koko onto Pokémon Moon.

Ate badly

Journey to Zen

I wasn’t asked about my sick day at all, the best part is I’m getting paid for the day for it. I’m still noticing cliques and they still evoke nothing but bitter anger from me. I helped out a guy sitting next to me who I’ve never spoken to before but the only interaction I got in return was a high pitched thank you.

Trans person is in a band, I’m unhappy or just plain jealous, I’d love to be the type of person who was in a band, I’ve fantasised about it for over a year. They also interacted successfully with others today. I’m probably not as isolated as I think, I just need to sit next to chatty people or the DnD guy but then I’m just being a burden, I need to get back into the mentality of not caring and looking down on others.

The planning guy is nice, I think he posts on 4chan. I feel bad that I keep screwing up my time sheet and he has to fix it, I’m sure I’m annoying him by now.

Bought clothes, still need a coat or jacket. I’ll buy t-shirts from Primark if I ever get the courage.

Laser tomorrow but I forgot the time of my session.

“Excuse me, sir?” (Your trial has been postponed)

I like left home at around 10:30pm in order to set off for my trial, my sisters really felt uncomfortable letting me go on my own, they wouldn’t say why but I know they were worried I might kill myself. The train journey was as long and dull as always, I was able to get some sleep and read an issue of EMPIRE, I got for my birthday. The sleeper carriage was unisex, first time I’ve seen this.

I wondered around for an hour killing time before my appointment with my solicitor. It’s all good, don’t want to give anything away about the case so I’ll leave it there. I’m going to be found innocent, it’s a crime this has been stretched out so long. Turns out one of the Polish girls has fled back to her third world home, guess I can chalk up one in the “win” column. Also love my solicitor, don’t want to hurt his career but he has the right views.

After this I killed another hour by window shopping and eating a tuna sandwich from Gregg’s. It was time to head to the courthouse, I sat and waited to be called, one hour passed, then another and then another, then it was time for lunch. My solicitor advised me that my trial may be adjourned as the case before it is taking longer than expected but it might not as the witnesses are here. I killed the time by grabbing McDonald’s, I hate the place but they have self service machines. A couple of young girls sat next to me, possibly talking about “senpais” while I people watched.

Back at court it was confirmed the trial will be adjourned until October, the process was formal with the judge and clerk saying their bits. The person representing the prosecution is a young woman, not sure if that’s really good or really bad. The judge is also female. Inexperience vs bias. Had a short chat with my solicitor out the courthouse. Train home sucked, 8 hours and my phone battery quickly died, my 3DS wasn’t charged and I was tired. The only interesting thing I observed were a couple of pakis chatting, one was a 70 year old first gen who lectured Electrical Engineering and the other was 51 years old, a nurse,mixed race, spoke with a white accent and had a daughter who also spoke white (both were still dark though). I couldn’t help but compare my heritage, there must be some kind of genetic fault in my family or some kind of intangible cancer.

Train conductor asked to see my ticket for a second time, I snapped, asked if he was asking everyone, he backed off and later apologised, I did the same.

When home I ate some more before retiring.

Pulled a Sicky from work, filled out the online absence form but couldn’t muster the courage to answer the welfare call. Claimed food poisoning.